Orientation

Bienvenidos! I have arrived in Nicaragua. Driving through the streets from the airport to the Nehemiah Center last night, I wondered how I had let myself forget how much I like this country. Perhaps I do not have a close enough relationship with a place that I visited two years ago to say that I love it, but I definitely enjoy being here.

Today we have been at the Nehemiah Center with Alicia, our program director. We have met a lot of people and gotten a tour of the place. I am very excited to spend some time here later in the semester for classes and working with the people here. One day, when I have more ambition and a better handle on things, I will explain the Nehemiah Center a bit more. For now, know that it is a collaborative mission organization that seeks to do transformational, integrative development in Nicaragua through a God-centered worldview. It's a pretty sweet place.

Tonight (dum-dum-dum) we meet our host families in a big shin-dig. From here on, I live in Leon with the Rios family. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm also nervous. Hopefully these feelings will help me to be more humble and flexible with my family. Good communication is key, I think.

So, the bottom line is: Although it was difficult to leave, I'm thrilled to be here now. I can't imagine all the amazing ways God is going to work in and through me this semester. Thanks for your prayers.

On the verge

On the eve of my semester in Nicaragua, I feel a bit scattered. There are a lot of emotions and expectations buzzing around in my head. I'm grateful to my friends and family for reminding me to focus on the good and trust God in everything.

All summer I focused on the present without getting too excited for Nicaragua because it still lay far in the future. Now it's here! Prayer would be great. I keep taking a few minutes to surrender my life here and my life there to God. I will miss things, but I will gain things too. My life is in His hands...

The Chop Shop

Yesterday, I chopped off my hair. I was anticipating this all summer. I was ready for a hair change, and it will be much easier to have short hair in Nicaragua. Plus, it's been 7 years since the last time I cut off my hair for Locks of Love, and I felt like a donation was long overdue.

Close to hair cut time, I started getting more nervous. My hair is quite nice. I like the curl, the color, the length. It has become a habit for me to hide behind my hair when I'm a bit embarrassed, or to mess with it when I'm restless. The hair provides a security blanket.

Well, goodbye, blankie! I got 11 inches cut off for Locks of Love, an organization that makes wigs for cancer patients. Even though I feel pretty self-conscious about my hair now, I remember that cancer patients probably feel even more uncomfortable with their appearance when their hair falls out. Plus, I have the comfort that mine will grow soon, and they don't. So, I'm going to Nicaragua with a whole new look. At least I'll be able to keep myself occupied, thinking of different hair styles! :)

Fidelity

Today I witnessed a baptism in my church. Our pastor and his wife, who had a pregnancy full of complications and a long recovery afterwards, brought their twin girls before us as the newest members of our congregation. As Pastor Jeff gave the message, he kept emphasizing God's faithfulness through the good times and bad. His mantra has been that God is good, all the time, and I totally agree with that.

However, I wonder what we would have been saying if we were attending their funeral instead of their baptism. Could we still say that God is faithful? Well, being that we believe God will come through on his promises, I believe we as a church family would still say that. God IS faithful, and He IS good, regardless of what happens. But wouldn't we feel differently about his faithfulness?

Two days ago, I attended my friend's wedding. During the ceremony, the pastor talked about how marriage is a covenant. It is pledging to be faithful to someone whether you feel like it or not. When you marry someone, you promise to love, honor, serve, and respect him/her - in front of everyone both at the ceremony and for the rest of your lives. Faithfulness in a marriage is not about answering all the other person's requests or fulfilling all their expectations (at least, that's not my inexperienced perception). However, it is about putting your relationship with your spouse ahead of other things. It is about wanting what is best for the person you love and being willing to sacrifice yourself for the good of the other person.

Somehow, we church people reduce God's faithfulness to answering our prayers. I think it must be more than that. We can count on God, trust him, because we are in relationship with him. A primary image for Christ is the bridegroom, and the Church is His bride. We are pledging ourselves to each other in a covenant commitment. We can say that God is faithful not because He does what we hope, but because we know that He will be true to us, doing what is best for us, and loving us even when we are not really lovable.

I know that our pastor and the church members would not say that God is faithful just because we've had a happy ending to this chapter, but sometimes that's the impression we give. I think I will need to wrestle with what God's faithfulness looks like when the story is more of a tragedy than a fairytale. As I anticipate going to Nicaragua, I realize that I will need to rely on God for strength. The poverty that I know I will witness will really bother me. How is God faithful for those people, who hardly have enough food and basic necessities? How can I feel Him to be faithful - not just say it because I believe it in my head - when I know that for many people that I meet in life, their lives won't really ever be okay - and there's nothing I can do to change that. I can only cling to the hope that I have in Jesus, the relationship that He makes possible with Himself as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Only in this identity, this marriage of our hearts, can there be true happy endings. God is faithful, and He is good, but I still get to learn what that means and what He looks like when He is faithful in all different circumstances.

Flitting

Time has been swooping past. When I describe my summer activities, I feel like a hummingbird, never resting very long at one spot.

-I went back and forth from Indiana to Ohio for the first 6 weeks of summer with various activities in both locations

-Grandma had knee surgery, and I got to be her live-in physical therapist for a week

-My family and I took the train and visited Dad's family in Alberta for 10 days

-Two of my summer classes are finished, and I'm working hard on my independent linguistics study

-I rode with some new friends to my former roommate's wedding at Dordt

-I still have two weddings to go to: one in Wisconsin this weekend and one in Missouri the next.

-Plans and details for Nicaragua are coming to the top of the to-do list

-Still finishing up a project for my part-time job with my uncle

And I could get more and more mundane with my list. This summer has been the kind that I have only wondered about in the past. For the first time since I was 16, I didn't go to work regularly with Dad. I actually counted 7 as the normal time I woke up - instead of 5:15.

It has been a great summer, and I'm still looking forward to what's coming ahead. Since time is passing quickly, I'm trying to enjoy the moments while I'm in them. It has been great to reconnect with family and friends, and I'm looking forward to more of the same!