More Definition

A lot of times in this process of going to Nicaragua, my answer to people's questions has been, "I don't know." Well, I know a few more things now!

1) When: I am flying to Nicaragua on January 2, should arrive around lunchtime in Managua.

2) What: assisting and supporting the Ezra team of the Nehemiah Center and their programs and projects. I worked with the Ezra team, consisting of Nicaraguans, for my internship at the Nehemiah Center three years ago, and I loved it. I look forward to supporting the programs of this group!

3) Who: we have a possible host family for me to live with for the first three months!

It's hard to function with a lot of unknowns; therefore, I am encouraged and excited to get some more information. I am looking forward to being involved with a new program of the Nehemiah Center in León. My former host family and friends say they're looking forward to seeing me again, too. I was feeling a bit discouraged, but a few encouraging emails from my supervisors have really given me some focus and inspiration again.

Hanging Out

As part of my pre-field preparations, I have been reading several books, including When Helping Hurts: How to alleviate poverty without hurting the poor and yourself  by Steve Corbett and Brian Fikkert. The book talks extensively about the need to focus on relationship and process when doing developmental relief work rather than simply giving out money or starting programs to generate a certain product or fix. I agree with the importance of working with local people in order to help them improve their situation, especially in the ways they see fit. Who wants an outsider coming and telling us how to fix everything that's wrong with us?

In When Helping Hurts, the authors recount the story of New Song, a ministry founded by Mark Gornik and Allen and Susan Tibbels. When New Song began, they were located in an inner-city neighborhood, but they had no plans to save or change the area; they simply wanted to learn the agenda of the community and live on their terms. Gornik wrote:

We held tightly to a commitment of God's shalom for Sandtown, but we had no plans or programs. Instead of imposing our own agendas, we sought to place our lives in service to the community... Community came through having fun together, sharing our lives, and learning to be followers of Christ together.

The authors of When Helping Hurts commented, "Imagine going to a donor and asking for funds to transform a city through 'hanging out'!" (Corbett and Fikkert, When Helping Hurts, 2009: 82-83).

That is precisely what I plan to do in Nicaragua. Go and hang out. Do life with people from another country, with different experiences from me, with different expectations of life. I'm not going to fix things or report on how many lives I have changed. I can't do any of that anyways - only God's Spirit can bring true change to individuals and systems. However, I can go with an attitude of humility, learning from Nicaraguans and sharing with them. I can focus on process and relationships rather than products and results. I can try to live as an ambassador for Jesus, just by "hanging out." Seems like a pretty great way to help with community development to me.

Going to Nicaragua

I mentioned in my last post that I'll be going to Nicaragua with Christian Reformed World Missions. Since that time, I've been busy writing and sending out an introductory newsletter. Funds have started to come in, and I've been reading books on poverty, cross-cultural awareness, and community development.

I believe that every Christian is a missionary in his or her daily work regardless of the job,
but over the past few years I have felt a call to a cross-cultural ministry. I spent four years at
Dordt College majoring in Spanish and theology, including a semester in Nicaragua. I went
to Trinity Western University for a master’s degree in a Bible translation program. One step
at a time, God has been refining His call for me. When I completed my degree in April, I
still had no idea what lay ahead of me. While meditating on Genesis 2, I felt God telling me
to do what was placed before me. Around that time, a contact in Nicaragua and I started
emailing, and he encouraged me to consider their project in León. Everything fell into place,
and I am convinced that God has placed this opportunity before me.

Lord willing, in January 2014, I will join a new program that the Nehemiah Center is
developing in León, Nicaragua. With other Nicaraguans and North Americans, I will seek
to foster a community of spiritual study, prayer, work, and play to support the community
of Christians in the city as they work to better engage their neighbors. My job will
include bridging gaps, lending support to local organizations, and working to strengthen
relationships between local pastors and the people of León. I cannot do anything on my own,
but I believe that God, who has called me, will faithfully carry out His work in my life, the
lives of people in Nicaragua, and your lives as we participate in God’s Kingdom.

On the bottom of my first newsletter the verse from 2 Thessalonians 5:24 says, "The One who calls you is faithful , and He will do it." This verse reminds me of the struggle the past year has been for me, but God has been faithful. Even when I feel woefully inadequate, lost, and fearful, He will do whatever needs to be done. I'm not trusting in me to change the world, or even people in Nicaragua. I'm counting on God.

Dreaming

As I lie in my childhood bed , I look around my room. Though most of my decorations have been packed up, I still have a bulletin board full of pictures and quotes. One quote at the top of the board says, "Real beauty is dreaming big dreams." I started thinking about my dreams lately, and how some of my biggest dreams have been realized.

Last Christmas as I traveled home, I felt miserable. I didn't know what I was going to do after school. I had lost interest in studying. I felt as though I were walking through a desolate wasteland, lost and hopeless. During that time, I asked myself what I would do if I could do absolutely anything, without worrying about doing God's call or disappointing others. My weary heart whispered that I would like to travel. I wanted to go to Nicaragua for a mission trip (maybe with my aunt and uncle who go annually), and I wanted to go to Europe to visit Edo and his family, especially to meet his baby girl. However, I thought these dreams would take at least a year to come true - if they ever did - because I had to finish school, and I didn't anticipate graduating until August 2013.

To make a long story short, I ended up with more classes in the spring, and I finished off a degree in Linguistics and Exegesis by April 2013. I went to the Netherlands to live with Edo for the summer, and I got to be the nanny for his daughter, Julie, for a month as well as travel to different places. It was one of the greatest gifts I could have asked for, better than I had hoped.

As the months became warmer from Christmas to summer, I felt like my desolate wasteland inside was greening up. While at Taizé monastery in France in June, I realized that I was walking through a lush garden inside instead of a scary wilderness. Over the past six months, I have clung to a blessing from Common Prayer by Shane Claiborne et al. It goes like this:

May the peace of the Lord Christ go with you : wherever he may send you.

May he guide you through the wilderness : protect you through the storm.

May he bring you home rejoicing : at the wonders he has shown you.

May he bring you home rejoicing : once again into our doors. 

At first, I clung to the peace of Christ as I went through wilderness and storms. Now I have begun rejoicing in the wonders I have seen. I am awed by the way God has worked in my heart and life. I no longer feel lost and afraid. He has taught me to dream again, and he has fulfilled my desires.

Now I am living at home again for a few months, but in January, I will go to Nicaragua for a year, Lord willing. I have been accepted to Christian Reformed World Missions. While in Nicaragua I will be involved in developing a community of work, play, prayer, and fellowship. As I build relationships with my teammates (cohorts in community, you might call us) and the people of León, Nicaragua, I will endeavor to demonstrate that the love of Jesus transforms all of life. Concretely, I will likely be helping in local organizations that need extra hands and minds, supporting local pastors and leaders in their work. It's a new program, developing under the supervision of the Nehemiah Center, so we don't know exactly how everything will go yet. I'm excited, though. I get to return to the city where I lived three years ago. Friends and adopted family will be there, and the gallo pinto (rice and beans mixed together, a typical dish) is plentiful. That's my big news, my next step: Nicaragua! Until then, I'll be raising financial and prayer support among churches and individuals, going to orientation sessions, and brushing up on my Spanish and Nicaraguan knowledge. Our God is a God of big dreams, and he sees them through. Yay!

 

The Oudmans go to Washington

Three weeks ago, I had the privilege of road-tripping to Washington D.C. with my brother, Dirk. We took a circuitous route, going up to Sarnia, ON to visit an old family friend, then down to Ohio to see family, but we finally made it to the capital city. Having recently been in capital cities of Europe, I was excited to visit the United States' capital again since I enjoyed it so much the times I visited before. Needless to say, it was easy to don my "tourist mode" again as I toured around with Dirk. 

D.C. has become Dirk's home for the semester as he interns with the Center for Public Justice and takes some leadership classes as part of his last year of university. Before we settled him into his dorm, we spent a day exploring the city and visiting our favorite sites as well as some new ones.

Dirk and I hanging out on a hot day at the Washington Mall, in front of the capitol building.

We'd recently watched Mr. Smith Goes to Washington with Jimmy Stewart during a family night, and it was fun to see the capitol dome that makes that idealistic young man so excited. I hope Dirk will be able to stick to his guns just as well as Jimmy Stewart.

Due to earthquake damage in 2011, the entire Washington Monument was closed for restoration. When our family went to DC 6 years ago, we walked down the stairs inside and had a tour of all the special stones that States and people donated to the monument. Needless to say there was no tour this year.

The Lincoln Memorial is iconic for Washington, and just plain inspiring. It has quotes from President Lincoln on the walls. Unfortunately, it seems to always be crowded. Maybe Dirk will get to hang out with the statue on a quieter day.

Leaning against the Monument, holding up the other side of the world. I took a picture like this with the Eiffel Tower in Paris, too. It seemed like a good mirror image.

Dirk especially wanted to see the Korean War Memorial. Near the Vietnam Memorial, this shiny black wall has etchings of faces instead of names, and you feel like one of the soldiers advancing through the underbrush. It made me think of Grandpa since he almost had to go to Korea when he was drafted during the war. His time ended just before his unit deployed.

My favorite memorial is the one of Franklin D. Roosevelt. Dirk took a picture of me with FDR's wife, Eleanor. An accomplished lady. I hope I can serve God and others too, even if I never have a statue with an inscription like she does.

We found the Center for Public Justice, where Dirk will spend the majority of his time for the semester. Hopefully his striking profile will help him get the job done. ;)

Finally, we found his dorm and classroom building. When we had to return with all of his stuff the next day, we felt like pros since we had already scoped out the neighborhood.

Other highlights of the trip to Washington, D.C. were dining at Old Ebbitt's Grill (the place to be in DC), and underestimating rush hour traffic as I tried to flee the city after moving Dirk.

We also visited the Holocaust Museum while we were there. It was informative and interesting, but also very moving. I learned things I had never known about Jews, Germans, and World War II. The museum was especially powerful for me because I had just been in Berlin a few weeks before. Seeing different sides of the same story impacted me deeply.

With this adventure to the capital city, I feel a renewed sense of pride and belonging in my country. Visiting the US capital seemed like a good way to end a summer of travel. I hope to be a good ambassador for the US as I travel the world, seeking to spread ideals of liberty and justice for all. However, it doesn't end with citizenship for me. If the United States is the final standard for the world, it is not good enough. Rather, justice is rooted in the kingdom of God, who brings true freedom to people. Peace, Jesus offers. I pledge allegiance.

Culture Shock

I have been back in the United States for one week. Adjusting to living in my hometown again is more difficult than I expected. This is the first time in 6 years that I have been here without a definite date to leave again. Walking around our annual town festival on Saturday, an old friend and I remarked that it was like a bad family reunion. I continue to feel surprised by how many people I know. Some things have changed, and some have not.

Here are a few of the shocks I have experienced, things that are totally different from what I have become accustomed to:

• No one says "eh" 
• The rate of speech is much faster than I have been hearing for the past three months
• I don't sound like I have an accent anymore (well, to anyone not from the Chicagoland area, I have a definite accent)
• I went for a run Sunday morning and did not see a single other pedestrian, and the number of cars could be counted on one hand
• I got chased by a ferocious dog on my run
• Everything is big
• I don't hear noises from any neighbors when I am in my house
• No wireless internet at my house
• I recognized and could name most of the people at my church
• It's hot
• We have air conditioning
• There are screens on the windows and doors, and they must be used
• No mountains
• No ocean or sea
• No public transportation within a half hour of my house
• There are fireflies over the cornfields
• I wore a t-shirt and shorts to town without feeling under-dressed

I could go on and on because there are so many things that are different here. I have not yet braved a grocery store, but I'm sure that will be another adventure into the land of the unknown - or at least long-forgotten. I guess all of this change is good for enhancing my adaptability though. :)

Crossing walls

Edo and I went to Berlin for a weekend as a sibling bonding event. Berlin is a fascinating city, and we enjoyed a tourist-tour via bikes for the majority of Saturday. On Sunday we got our own bikes and went to an old castle (Schloss Charlottenburg) and the East Side Gallery, the longest remaining piece of the Berlin Wall, which is dedicated to artistic expression. The pictures on the wall, painted in graffiti style, were fascinating. On the other side of the wall, pictures of walls that still exist today provided a moving display.

The moment of the trip that impressed me the most can be captured in this photo:

All through Berlin they have a strip of cobblestones or concrete where the wall once stood that separated Western, capitalist Berlin from Eastern, socialist Berlin. The wall went up overnight in the 60s, and it opened overnight in 1989. A wall that separated families and standards of living and personal freedom for twenty years. People were killed trying to cross the boundary between the halves of the city. Now, the city hardly shows the division between east and west. We walked over the strip of the Berlin wall like it was no big deal, as easy as strolling on the beach, while people died trying to cross when I was still alive.

The wall is now a place for people to point out that walls still exist in our world. I did not even know about many of the walls that exist, including one on the US-Mexico border. It's incredible that we can accept things so that they seem normal, or even expected. Looking back in history, we see that these walls or practices or wars were not acceptable at all. I hope and pray that I will have the compassion and awareness to recognize the walls in my life and to take them down so that crossing them is as easy as crossing the street.

Paris.

The name stands for itself. I went to Paris for the weekend with Edo and Mireille and Julie. I had forgotten that I used to dream of going to the city of love. I must have been immersed in literature and history about France and Paris, in the days before I learned Spanish and became part of that world. Being in Paris from Friday to Sunday was like waking up to a long-lost daydream I had once. It was amazing.

I am not a very good tourist. I feel awkward or nonplussed over most things I should be excited about. Sometimes things don't seem very impressive to me because they are what they are. Although I may have acted like that on the outside this trip, all of Paris was impressive to me. In my head I just kept screaming, "Paris! Freaking Paris!"

Edo and Mireille made sure that I saw most of the famous things of the city. Of course there is always more to see, but here are a few things that I witnessed:

-Ile de la Cité and Ile St-Louis, islands in the Seine River

-Eiffel Tower at sunset

 -Opéra National at Palais Garnier (people were dancing to music on the steps outside)

-Louvre museum (that old palace now art museum is ridiculously huge! I was in awe just of the outside)

 - Typical Parisian chairs and parks

 -Jardin des Tuileries (a very nice garden area connecting the Louvre to the Place de la Concorde)

 -Obelisk of Luxor (a trophy of Napoleon the the center of the Place de la Concorde)

 -Galeries LaFayette and La Printemps (major shopping buildings full of different designers on each floor. I almost bought some shoes but didn't. However, we got a dress for Julie!)

 -Avenue des Champs-Elysées (Mireille and I cycled on it, but it was sort of a stressful experience, and very crowded)

 -Arc de Triomphe (yes, I cycled around it, just a day before the Tour de France participants!)

 -The Seine River

-Place de Justice

 -Centre Pompidou (a contemporary art museum with an interesting exterior)

-Parc de Buttes Chaumont (we had a picnic there with a nice view of the water and the butte with a pavilion on it)

 -Parc de la Villete with the reflecting sphere Géode and the Musée de Musique

 -Basilique de Sacré Coeur and the surrounding Montmartre area (great view from the church of Paris)

 -Place de la Bastille

-Place des Vosges (we stopped for a rest in this park located in the Jewish area, and I saw the entrance to Victor Hugo's house)

 -Notre Dame Cathedral (celebrating 850 years this year)

 -Les Invalides and the Pantéon from afar in city views

-St. Martin Canal

-Pont Neuf, Pont Alexander III, and other bridges over the Seine

-Musée d'Orsay (but only from the outside; it's a renovated train station made into a museum)

-Other neighborhoods and museums and places...

Edo and Mireille might be a bit disappointed with my lack of recall, but we saw a lot! We did not go into any museums, but I saw many of them from the outside. A lot of times the significance of the place was lost on me, but this site gives some more description for a post-trip education...

All in all, it was a great trip. We ate good food and enjoyed the Parisian life for a few days while also trying to do the tourist things. I was very glad for this experience and to share it with Edo, Mireille, and Julie.

Life Moments

Twentieth-century Presbyterian theologian and writer Frederick Buechner has written:
"Who knows how the awareness of God's love first hits people? Every person has his own tale to tell, including the person who would not believe in God if you paid him. Some moment happens in your life that makes you say Yes right up to the roots of your hair, that makes it worth having been born just to have happen. Laughing with somebody till the tears run down your cheeks. Waking up to the first snow. Being in bed with somebody you love. Whether you thank God for such a moment or thank your lucky stars, it is a moment that is trying to open you up your whole life. If you try to turn your back on such a moment and hurry along to Business as Usual, it may lose you the whole ball game. If you throw your arms around such a moment and hug it like crazy, it may save your soul. How about the person you know who as far as you can possibly tell has never had such a moment? Maybe for that person the moment that has to happen is you."

Going Into Silence

When I went to Taizé monastery on Friday, June 14, I planned to do a week of silence after I got accustomed to the rhythm of daily prayers and such. That's how I said it - "do" silence. Like it was something I would have to work at. And I did think it would be difficult. I mean, I'm a girl who talks out loud to herself if no one is around to talk back. Plus, I thought that it would be an intense week of wrestling with God, crying in frustration and desperation about why I believe in Jesus or should encourage anyone else to put their faith in him. I thought I would be struggling for answers about my future, and that maybe there would be some divine inspiration that would strike like lightning and illuminate my future. Consequently, I thought this week of silence would require a big effort.

However, when I talked to the brothers and permanent volunteers at Taizé about doing a week of silence, they referred to it differently. They told each other, "She's going into silence." I had to speak with a sister about it, but when she approved my decision, I moved to a house off of the main campus of the monastery to live with 5 other girls who were participating in the week of silence. As I walked to the house after group prayer Sunday night after I had begun being silent, I considered the strange reference to the week of silence.

Going into silence.

Like it was a place, something that I entered into. Maybe it reminded me of a journey, somewhere I was moving through. In my journal I wrote, "Going into silence. I wonder how I will come out." 

The truth is, the phrase is exactly right. Instead of being something at which I had to work, I simply had to enter a place where I could rest and listen. The sister who was guiding us in the journey through advice and prayer texts said that the goal of silence is not silence itself. We are looking for intimacy with God and ourselves; the silence helps us have more space and attention for what is going on in our hearts. The next day she said that we often consider prayer something that we have to do or make, a result of effort. Sister suggested that prayer is something which is already there since God's life and movement are in our hearts. Prayer, with the aid of silence, is something for us to give time and space to, and to be fully, humanly open in. By looking carefully and being present, we become more aware of God's presence in us. Therefore, we go into silence. We stop listening to some things around us, including our own voices, to listen to things that are quieter than our voices.

I came out of silence a bit reluctantly the next Sunday morning. Already on Saturday I had started pulling out a bit, thinking about regular things and planning ahead. I began to interact in a livelier way with people around me. However, it is peaceful to be silent at times, and the week of silence was also a sort of private adventure that unfolded slowly and beautifully since I did not have to process everything linguistically right away. But when the girls who had been silent for a week or two days broke silence and bread together on Sunday morning, it was a wonderful time of encouragement, joy, and sharing with each other. 

I think I came out of silence changed. It was not the silence so much as the closeness I experienced with God and myself. I remembered things I liked doing that I had forgotten. I allowed myself to dream about "someday" things. Jesus impressed upon me that I am beautiful. He loves me. The love of God became more clear to me than ever before in my life. The way I experienced God's love and presence while I was in silence connected pieces of me that had felt dissonant before. Many of my questions and fears no longer mattered because in Jesus, the answer is yes. 

The time of silence at Taizé will continue to affect me. Though I have come out of it, I still remember that place (not the effort), and the sister assured us that like a good wine, our hearts will remember this good thing we have experienced with God. Considering how I feel that I have come out of the desolate, wild place in my soul to a vibrant, lush garden with streams of water and ripe cherry trees, I know that this week will impact me for months and years to come. The silence allowed me to open myself and prepare my heart for light, and the Light of the World has shone in it.

Yes, "going into silence" is the best way to describe it. May you be able to go on a journey with God yourselves. Well, you already are. May you become aware of God's movements in your life, I think is a better way to say it. The peace of Christ be with you.

Identity

During my week of silence, I jotted this note down after praying through John 20:11-18. Jesus appears to Mary Magdalene, but she does not recognize him until after he says her name. His question, "Whom do you seek?" reminded me of his same question to the mob in the garden of Gethsemane days earlier (John 18:1-8).

To those who seek Jesus but don't know him, he responds with a statement about himself. To the mob in the garden, he said "I am he," which surprised them because they knew God as "I AM."

To those who seek Jesus and know him, he responds with a statement about them. To Mary while she wept for his corpse, he spoke her name like he knew her, and she recognized him because she heard her name from him.

When we accept God's love, he tells us about who we are to him. As I experienced last week, we are loved, intensely and in ways we only begin to understand. He knows us best, loves us deeply, and gives us our identity in Christ. No more hiding or searching for the wrong things. He loves us, and when he calls our names, we recognize him.

Wonder is Involuntary Praise

I just spent three weeks in France. Most of the time, I was flabbergasted when I realized that I, Adrianna Oudman, was traveling in Europe. The countryside was beautiful, and the experiences were amazing. As I looked around me, I kept thinking, "Who gets to live like this??" Well I do, obviously. And probably many other people. But I hope it keeps being wondrous, that I never lose that starry-eyed feeling towards the things around me in life that are worth stopping for and exclaiming, "I can't believe I actually get to witness this right now!"

Part of me wants to give you all the details of the trip right now, and part of me wants to wax philosophically. So I'll try to balance my parts.

I spent 5 days in Annecy with the Fluit family, my friends from British Columbia for whom I am some sort of ambiguous relation (daughter? sister? friend? As Atticus (age 3) looked at me and said one day, "Are you a mom, or a dad?" and he kept calling me Dad even though his father was very much present with us...). Anyways, it was great. We swam in the very cold lake, went for bike rides and hikes, painted pictures, and had picnics. Then we drove south to Provence, to St. Remy, where the Dutch painter Van Gogh spent his days in an asylum. Again, we ate picnics (bread and nutella, anyone?), explored, took a tour of a castle, picked fresh cherries from a monastery, etc. It was fabulous weather, and their place had a pool so we usually played in the pool in the afternoons before eating supper outside.

Then I left my BC family to go to Taizé, an ecumenical monastery not too far from Lyon. I spent 10 days there with hundreds of other youth and adults. I spent 5 of the 10 days in silence, living in a separate house with other girls who were silent, attending the group prayers, and spending time learning to be attentive to myself and to God.

The time at Taizé was better than I could have hoped or imagined. One of my friends had gone a couple of years ago, and he recommended it to me. I went into the week of silence hoping for answers regarding my future and justification for my faith. Instead of answers, God gave me himself. I had told the nun who spent the week guiding us that I thought meeting God could be scary, but she replied that meeting God is never bad. God only brings good things. She was right. The whole week, God simply overwhelmed me with his love for me. I expected to wrestle, and instead he hugged me. I thought we would shout at each other, and instead he whispered sweet and good things to my heart. I realized that many of my questions did not matter once I realized more deeply that God loves me and all people. The basis for faith and ministry, for life on this earth, is God's love.

It was easy to fall in love with a place like Taizé with its patchwork quilt of fields, poppies and roses blooming, peaceful atmosphere, and kind people. The challenge will be to continue abiding in that love and becoming part of the people who are people of prayer. I'm still not sure what that will look like in my life, but I guess I'll try praying about that, too. :)

More to come...

A Day in My Life

The month has been flying past. I can’t believe that it’s almost over already. Julie and I have been getting along very well. There’s not really a normal day for us, but there are rhythms. Usually, the itinerary looks like this:

7-7:20 ~ Edo and Mireille leave for work 
7:30-8 ~Julie and I read a story together. I struggle through a Dutch book from her shelf, and then I make up my own English version. By the time that’s done, she’s rubbing her eyes and yawning
8-8:30 ~ A nap for Julie. Some days I take a nap too, and some days I shower or eat breakfast or something like that. 
9ish ~ Julie wakes up 30-60 minutes later, and I play with her, read my devotions to her if I haven’t had a chance to do it by myself yet, or do something else. 

9:45-10 ~ Bottle for Julie
10:15 ~ Change Julie's diaper and put on clothes. 
10:15 ~ Monday, Wednesday, Sunday: bathtime for Julie
11ish ~ naptime
There’s usually one long nap a day, lasting 2ish hours, and sometimes this is the time for it. If she wakes up before I eat lunch, I eat with her

1:30ish ~ bottle for Julie
2-4:30ish ~ we go for a walk unless Julie acts very tired (in which case I put her in bed).
4 ~ errands that may be necessary

5:30-6 ~ Bottle for Julie
6:30ish ~ Edo and Mireille come home
7ish ~ Dinner time! Julie now gets pureed vegetables like broccoli, carrots, or squash. We drink wine and eat yummy food like pasta, risotto, sauteed vegetables, nasi, etc. 
8ish ~ Julie goes for another nap, and we all do our own thing

9:30ish ~ Mireille feeds Julie
10ish ~Julie goes to bed, and Edo usually follows close behind
11ish ~ Mireille and I go to bed

But, as with any ordinary life, there are complications. We found out that Julie's right hip bone is not forming properly, so she has to have a brace on over her clothes. It has to be on all the time, even when she is sleeping or eating. We take it off to change her diaper and give her a bath. This complication means that we have doctor's appointments in the afternoons more often now (three appointments in two weeks), so that changes the schedule.

Furthermore, Julie is never predictable. I give a rough schedule of her naps and bottle times, but she feels free to disregard any habits she may have kept before. She used to stick to the feeding schedule and not nap so regularly, but lately she has been ignoring the bottle times as well. She sleeps through them more often. 

We also have special occasions that throw off the rhythm, like her grandparents' 40th wedding anniversary party or her baptism. 

So it seems quite relaxed and easy to be with Julie some days because she sleeps a lot or plays contentedly without me, and I can do whatever I want. Other days she wants attention all the time, cries because she is very tired but doesn't want to sleep, or giggles so much she almost chokes. Never predictable, but always adorable. Yes, I get quite sappy about her, and I'm not going to apologize for that. Definitely the best graduation present I could have asked for is living here in the Netherlands with Edo and Mireille and getting to be an important, regular part of Julie's life.

 First time eating solid food: carrots! Edo is a pro at feeding Julie thanks to his time as an au pair

 She likes to fall asleep cuddling my hand some days. It's so sweet that I hate to leave her room

Mireille is feeding Julie broccoli for her first time - yummy yummy

We go on walks, and sometimes Julie hides in the cave made by the sun/rain cover. I peek in on her.

The pair of us before her baptism after I had given her a bottle and we were waiting to go into the church

The Promise of a Lifetime

Today, my sweet little Julie was baptized. I definitely cried more than she did.

Edo and Mireille gave me the honor of carrying her into the sanctuary of Christus Triumfator, a Dutch Protestant church that Mireille goes to. I was supposed to walk very slowly because the center aisle is short. I think I did pretty well (thanks to my training as a flower girl at the age of 21, maybe? Angela, thanks for the opportunity to learn to walk in a dignified manner at your wedding!).

We sang some songs, the minister said some things, the parents responded. It was like a typical infant baptism that I've seen at my church many times except that in the Netherlands you also light a candle, and that's your baptism candle that you take with after the ceremony. But this baptism was anything but typical for me. I mean, I normally get a little emotional at baptisms (at any age) because to me they symbolize God's covenant. He promises that this person is his child, and he will not let go. The parents promise that they will raise the child to the best of their ability, and the church community promises to support them as well.

Seeing this happen with Julie was incredible for me. I felt awed and overwhelmed. I felt shame at my small expectations of God, forgetting that He is at work even when my heart doubts. I felt wonder at his love for Julie and all people. What a great God! What a great promise. His promise, one that will not go away. His words will not return empty.

I have loved and prayed for Julie's father, Edo, for as long as I can remember. And when Mireille became part of Edo's life, my heart included her with Edo. Then when news of Julie came, she was also added. I have prayed for this little one, loved her, hugged her. soothed her. She has been teaching me about living in contentment, learning how to trust that someone (Someone) will take care of me. To see this ceremony today was a part of an answer to my prayers and hopes and love.

I'm going to stop trying to describe it. It was, and is, incredible. Hallelujah.

I gave Julie a bottle before church, but we left the bib on as long as possible in case she decided not all of the milk would fit in her stomach...

Julie's dress was made out of extra material from Mireille's wedding dress - very cool

Edo and Mireille with Julie in the line for congratulations, with the minister behind

Julie looked so funny and cute in her dress tucked into the stroller

Mireille and Julie during some photos after everyone had left

Well, *that* was a whirlwind!

I finally feel like I have some room to breathe (unfortunately, breathing seems to be a bit more difficult as of today. I hope I'm not getting sick). It has been a busy month! I finished four classes with all of their projects and exams. Then I graduated. I'll explain the blur of events in pictures. That will probably be more interesting than all my prose anyway. :)

First we had an awards night at CanIL, the linguistics branch of the school. This is the group of graduates who are getting the same degree as me: Master's of Linguistics and Exegesis. Basically, language in general and Biblical interpretation. We had some seminary classes, but the majority was with the CanIL community in linguistics.

The following day, April 20, I participated in the official degree-granting ceremony with all of the graduates from ACTS, the seminary that authorizes my degree. I walked up with my hood over my arm (it's more like a sash that hangs down the back), received my diploma, then sat down to be "hooded" by two faculty members. It was pretty exciting to get the colorful sash. Hands down the best part of a master's degree, in my opinion. :)

 My parents and paternal grandparents came to Langley to celebrate and support me. We had a lovely few days together, and I was really glad that they came.

This dearie and I had to say goodbye to each other and we took a final picture with spring flowers to commemorate. We were always saying we didn't have enough pictures together. In the last six weeks of school, we remedied that problem. :) Danielle and I will see each other again, we're just not sure how or when.

 These wonderful people helped me pack up my room, get my stuff to all the appropriate locations, and bought me dinner - all on their last few days in BC. We took a picture in the front yard of the B&B where they stayed in Ft. Langley. Then I had to say goodbye to them, too.

I also said goodbye to the mountains as we drove through the final passes between BC and Alberta. Perhaps I'll miss them quite a lot, but it hasn't hit me yet.

In Alberta I first visited some aunts and uncles in Edmonton. They've been inviting me for a while, so I finally took them seriously. My first night there, we went to a junior league hockey game (one step down from NHL) and watched game 5 of a 7 game series between the Edmonton Oilkings and the Calgary Hitmen. Edmonton won - booya!

Then I spent a girls' day with my aunt. We visited, knitted, and re-potted tomato plants together. It was a fun day. :) She then took me south to meet up with my grandparents, and I spent a few days in Taber.

Before we went south, we stopped in the hospital and I got to hold my cousin's newborn baby! I stayed with her other two boys the night Ily was born. I think this is the youngest child I've ever held (32 hours old)

Besides hanging out with my grandparents and great-aunt and uncle in Taber, I also helped my uncle and aunt with their potato seeding. We had to sort potatoes so they were healthy and the proper side for the planter. It was great fun, the hours standing chatting with them while watching the potatoes go by on the conveyor belt.

Then I flew away across the big pond.

This was my face when I arrived in Amsterdam and saw Edo despite having a rough night on the plane. He bought me a coffee. :) Edo is like my older brother. He came to our family as an exchange student and we've kept close ever since. This summer I'm living with him, his wife, and their 4 month old daughter.

The view from my bedroom window in the Hague. It doesn't look so sunny and warm this week.

This is Julie, Edo and Mireille's daughter, whom I get to take care of until June when she'll go to daycare and I travel to France for a bit.

There's my life in pictures. More will follow but Julie is bored so we have to go play. :)