Yesterday I had the opportunity to make some real money. I strapped on a toolbelt, cut and nailed boards, and wrote down my hours. It was a good feeling, to make some of my own money. I didn't have to ask anyone for it, and I didn't feel even a hint of guilt in looking forward to the check. There were no niggling voices in the back of my head wondering if I was worthy of receiving that money, wondering if I would put it to good enough use, wondering if I should cut back on expenses. Those thoughts come when I ask for money to serve in Nicaragua, when I raise financial support in North America.
I often feel tempted to just go it alone. What if I worked for a few years and then paid my own way as a missionary? The practice of "tentmaking" as I serve appeals to me. I could have a paying job and volunteer on the side, dedicating my time to serving when I'm not working. Not having to justify my use of other people's funds as I work overseas would be one less periodic existential crisis.
But that wouldn't be the point. As I was considering the freedom and self-sufficiency of earning money to support myself, God corrected me. Raising support isn't about me. It's about everyone participating in God's call on their lives. He has asked me to go to Nicaragua, and he has asked others to donate time, money, prayer, etc to his work in Nicaragua through me and indirectly to the Nicaraguan people that I serve. God is asking something of those who donate, and he's asking something of me. I can't say what the Spirit whispers in each heart that prompts the person to write a check or tell me their praying for me or excitedly ask questions and affirm what I'm doing, but I know God is at work.
In my own heart, Jesus teaches me about humility and dependence. The lesson of Matthew 25 and not worrying about what I will eat or what I will drink or what I will wear takes on a different hue when I'm thinking about a budget overseas and asking others to help pay my salary. When I consider the verse about "bearing one another's burdens," the exhortation to pray for one another becomes more applicable when I think about needs in Nicaragua and asking people in a distant land to pray for them. I search the Bible for verses that guide me in what I'm doing overseas. "For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake" from 2 Corinthians 4:5 describes how I am representing Christ in Nicaragua. I'm preaching Jesus as Lord with my life even though I am not a great evangelist or doing much concrete work. And being a servant? Well, I take great joy in inviting community leaders and pastors into my house and life, giving them a chair to sit on and a cookie to crunch while they share with each other about joys and struggles in ministry. I serve Christ by serving them, the leaders who give up time and comfort to sacrificially do what God asks of them.
Furthermore, by relying on my own two hands for support, I would be continuing the cultural lie that I don't need other people. I can pull myself up by my own bootstraps. However, in the Bible I see that we are created to be dependent - on God and other people. By creating a network of support where we learn from each other and give to each other, my supporters and I demonstrate the Kingdom of God in contrast to what the world says. I learn to be less self-sufficient from Nicaraguans who are more relational and interdependent, and I learn that from my experience as a missionary in North America.
Although at times I feel like support raising is just begging, I have to remember that this is what God asks of me right now. Obedience doesn't look the same for everyone. For me, it looks like reminding myself that asking others for money and prayers is not about me. It's about all of us participating in the Kingdom of God. If I run from my duty in this area, I'm denying others the blessing of obedience. In the Bible, God has called us to give generously, and he has called us to disciple the nations. We are all involved in doing what God asks.
So the next time I feel like I'm just pleading for pennies, I will remember what God has spoken to me. It's not about me - it's about Christ and proclaiming him as Lord in my life. By involving others in that process, we can all be a participate in the Kingdom of God and learn from Him in the process.
