During my parents' recent visit, my mom commented to me, "It's easier for you to speak in Spanish now than English, isn't it."
The question has been echoing around in my head ever since. Is it? Do I live more easily in this Nicaraguan setting than in the North American setting? If so, what does that mean for me, for my ministry, for my constituents?
I haven't come up with any answers, just the beginnings of explanations.
Yes, most of my life, especially the emotional part, happens in Spanish. I am dating a Nicaraguan man. I live with a Nicaraguan woman. The people I call family here are Nicaraguan. My work bridges Nicaragua and North America, translating and interpreting between English- and Spanish-speakers.
Speaking in Spanish is like jumping in a pool for me. It's refreshing. I feel good speaking Spanish. I couldn't survive only speaking Spanish, just like I couldn't survive if I couldn't breathe air. Breathing air - like speaking English - is necessary. But maybe I prefer being in the water.
As I become more entrenched in Nicaragua, putting down roots and building relationships with people here, I have come to realize that the relationships that last are those with Nicaraguans. The missionary community here is very transient. Although there is a strong North American presence with the missionary and tourist communities in Nicaragua and especially León, the same people don't stay very long. So I have been focusing on the relationships that will be here long-term, and in the meantime, I think I have neglected some of my distance relationships. Forgive me for that, friends and supporters.
I have realized that there needs to be a balance. My ministry revolves around being able to bridge the cultural and language gaps between Nicaraguans and North Americans. Thanks to God, I think I am pretty good at it. However, it takes a lot of work to balance all these circles and relationships. North American family and friends, Nicaraguan family and friends, Nicaraguan pastoral networks and churches, North American pastors and churches, supporters of my ministry and beneficiaries of my ministry, Resonate Global Mission (formerly known as Christian Reformed World Missions) and the Nehemiah Center.
Some days I lean on one leg more than the other, and some days I can't stand doing the splits over the gap anymore. But by God's grace I'm trying. Trial and error, refocusing and trying again... That's what this life is about, isn't it? I'm open to advice. And again, sorry if you have felt neglected. Shoot me a note, and I'll remedy our lack of communication. Thank you for hanging in here with me as I struggle to live between two worlds.
And my comfort in all of this? We are all pilgrims passing through. This world is not our home. We are longing for the day when every nation and tribe and tongue stands before the Lamb, adoring God as one. Maybe living between worlds is just preparing me for the next life, giving me a taste of the glory of unity.
