Left Behind

"Parting is such sweet sorrow..."

I don't think so, Shakespeare. At least, today's parting was not sweet. It was mostly just sad. Leaving a place that has been home for some time is always hard, but getting left behind is worse, I've decided.

This morning, Guissell and I dropped off Kelsey (and Ethan) at the airport. They carried three checked bags, two backpacks, a guitar, and a cat. All of Kelsey's life at this point (minus one suitcase she had already sent to the US). In other words, she is going home for Christmas and not coming back. 

For months people have been talking to me about how I feel regarding Kelsey's departure, and I kept using Elisha's line when the prophets said his mentor, Elijah, would be taken away from him: "I know, but do not speak of it."

But the time for denial is long gone. The girl who has shown up on most of my facebook "year in review" pictures will no longer be in our house. I will make less coffee in the mornings. I won't have to turn off as many lights. I will see the rocking chair empty most of the time. Her annoying cat, to which I feigned indifference, but really actually cared about, is not there to greet us when we walk in the door or fling herself about the house when she gets in a mood. Kelsey will not be there on the bus rides to Managua with me. She won't be giving me the eye when I'm working at nine o'clock at night. When I go to the store, I don't need to buy bread to make her day or pick up red wine on special occasions. My musical inputs will be severely limited since her playlists and portable speaker are also gone now. 

Kelsey and I worked together, and even though our official job descriptions don't overlap too much, we actually bounced a lot of ideas off of each other. She got me through strategic planning sessions at the Nehemiah Center, and I was her sounding board for Dordt College's off-campus semester in Nicaragua. We pulled together teams, translated and interpreted, made connections in our networks for each other. She has been an important part of my time in Nicaragua.

Perhaps this all sounds a bit melodramatic for some, and it might be (I never said I wasn't theatrical). She's not dead, after all. But she is gone. And things will never be the same. I have said goodbye to enough close friends to know that we won't stop being friends, but things are never the same. We won't be able to fall in together and never have to explain our references. We won't be able to name things and "just know" anymore. I won't be able to flop onto her bed at night to chat or watch some show with her. Time together from now on will be "visits." So yes, something significant has ended.

The crazy thing is, Kelsey and I were not "two peas in a pod." More like apples and oranges. We are both young women doing our best to serve God and others, but that's about where the resemblance ends. She is mostly introverted, I am mostly extroverted. She keeps her cards close, I wear my heart on my sleeve. She can be many things to many people, and I tend to blunder my way through the same with everyone. Many times when we shared deep things with each other, Kelsey would look at me, shake her head, and say, "We are SO different." 

Yet despite those differences, we became fast friends. We made a choice that the fights and the forgiveness and the misunderstandings were worth it. We chose to love each other, to let each other in... Well, I chose to let her in - I can't speak for her.

I chose to let Kelsey into my heart even knowing that she had an exit date. Guissell and I were talking on the drive home from the airport whether or not it's viable to get very attached to people. They always leave. You can't depend on others too much. And yet. You have to let other people in, or you will live a very lonely life. My life has been fairly short and painless, so I'm still figuring stuff like this out. The pain when someone you rely on leaves or dies is pretty horrendous. But I have a theory that never letting anyone get close enough to hurt you would hurt even worse, so I think I'll keep my heart open. And in that opening of the heart, I will remember that there is someone who is my best friend, who will never leave me. Jesus Christ is my home, and I need to keep that before me. God turned his back on his Son so that He would never have to leave me. That's the good news of Christmas, and that's hope even when I'm left behind. 

Setting the Table

Two weeks ago, my IMPACT club in Nuevo Horizonte carried out its first community-service project. I felt as proud and relieved as I imagine a parent with a problem student is to see their child graduate from high school. I mean, we have been meeting as a club since May 2014, and finally in November 2015 we completed one of the main goals of an IMPACT club.

Pulling weeds and picking up garbage in the neighborhood Nuevo Horizonte

Not only did we complete the project, but we pulled it off with great success. Local business owners donated garbage sacks to collect the weeds and garbage we picked up as well as a snack in the late morning when we were all getting tired and thirsty.

Some of us started at 9 am, and we finished around noon. The goal was to chop down all the weeds that had grown during the rainy season, and we picked up all the garbage. Near our IMPACT meeting spot there is an empty area, and no one really maintains it. We decided to clean up our area as a first step.

Not all the members of the club participated, and not all the participants were club members. But some of the guys who helped chop weeds with a machete have been coming to meetings more now. And I think it gained us props and recognition in the community.

There were 12 sacks by the time we finished!

In order to celebrate and evaluate the project, I invited the entire group to my house for dinner this past Monday. It was a little stressful to decide what to make for a bunch of Nicaraguans, especially guys who can eat a lot. I ended up serving rice, boiled beans, sausages, the Dutch dish of mashed potatoes and carrots, and a tomato salad. Plus cookies and ice cream for dessert. So we muddled our way through a discussion about the weak points in the project, what we want to improve, what we liked about our work, and what we want to do next. I took it as a good sign that one of the critiques was that we only cleaned one street of the three in the neighborhood, and no one seemed to object to the idea of cleaning the other two streets for the next steps.

Great teamwork with someone holding a sack and others shoving refuse into it

 When it came time to eat, the two teenage girls (the youngest members of our club at 15) and another leader, Clarisa, helped me serve plates. We ran out of rice, and I had to make more sausages last minute, but it worked out pretty well. The only thing lacking was tortillas, which I forgot to buy. Oh well. The girls served the plates to the boys, and they poured juice too. There was some joke about the girls spilling juice all over the guys, and I never figured out what really happened.

The girls, who bring a lot of energy to our group's meetings, and helped serve

In the midst of the boys were teasing the girls so much about being poor hostesses and whether or not there was dessert, I told them they were welcome to wash dishes. Much to my surprise, they started in. So my kitchen was full of 5 young men washing dishes, teasing and hitting each other. One of them started running the mop. I had taken off my socks and shoes earlier that day and forgotten to pick them up from their corner in the kitchen, and the "maid" almost threw them out for me. We were all laughing a lot at their shenanigans.

Having help with the dishes was great!

That's when I realized why I am still in IMPACT. That night we had discussed the sense of accomplishment we felt after finally finishing a project. The other leader, Trinidad, and I shared that it had been a hard road. I told the kids that many times I was ready to give up because there was only one person at meetings, but Trinidad fought to stick with it. Now we have a group of 14 regulars, and we are so thankful for them. Not for youth in general, but for Marcos and Toto and Gloria and all the others who make up my IMPACT club. They teach me what it means to prepare a table for people. Trinidad has taught me what it means to persevere and keep that table available even when it seems like no one will ever come over to eat dinner.

Trinidad, the founder and champion of our IMPACT club

 Monday night I literally prepared a table, but I hope that it was just a small part of opening my heart, home, and life to these youth - and being an example to them of what it means to live generously with others so that they too learn how to set the table and receive others with open arms.

We turned our usual IMPACT meeting bench into an impromptu table for lunch after our work project

Cool Presentations

This weekend I was with a team that is looking into how they can be involved in Nicaragua in the future, and I made a presentation on Prezi, a format I have never tried before, to explain the work of Christian Reformed World Missions in León. It turned out really well! Since I am so proud of it, I wanted to share it with you about the kinds of things I am involved with. Perhaps it lacks some explanation for you, but you can still get an idea.

CRWM in León

The rest of the weekend went really well. After an explanation of everything on Saturday morning, we ate lunch together (team and guides). Then we went to a neighborhood where the community development program is going strong, and we watched women learn how to make cushions while talking with them about their microenterprise. The team got to ask the ETU leaders questions about their community initiatives. Then they bought a bunch of handicrafts from the girls who were learning needlework crafts as well.

After the ETU community, we visited a business owner at her stall in the main park. She makes and sells preserves. In the morning she goes to the market and buys seasonal fruit, and then she transforms it into jellies, preserves, and spreads. Her daughter takes pictures and puts them on facebook, and people can order the wares that day. They deliver same day via motorcycle or send it with a bus if the people live outside of León. This business woman believes in using natural ingredients even though she is a chemist and knows how to mix the preservatives. From raw material to consumer takes one day, which is pretty cool.

Then we went and talked to Lourdes and Alejandro, a pastoral couple who have seen their marriage, family, and church turn around because of God, recognizing their worth in his eyes, and some Nehemiah Center programs. Pretty cool testimonies, and I happen to like them a lot as a couple.

After a delicious supper with some mint lemonade slushies and rich ice cream, we went to my house for a debriefing time. The team left just as it began to pour, and I had a good night's sleep. Sunday morning was sunny for our stroll around downtown León before church. We saw the cathedral, the public university, the church where Mary is the patron, and murals celebrating the Nicaraguan revolution. We worked up a good sweat in the León heat and humidity before going to church at 10 am at Promesa, my church home here. After singing some good songs and hearing a message about trusting God's promises in the midst of our difficult situations, we went to the beach for a swim and fish for lunch. Then they were gone.

Wow! A whirlwind, but a good taste of what goes on in León, and a reason that I'm quite satisfied with my weekend even though I spent it working very hard. We'll see what God does next!

At the Gate

Houston.

The last time I was in this airport, I was running to catch a flight and worrying about not being with my friend because she had missed the last flight. January 2, 2015. The day I moved to Nicaragua.

And here I am again, but today I have lots of time and free internet. I don't think I knew what to expect over a year and a half ago as I dashed through the terminals, but I didn't expect this. I didn't expect to find such good friends in Nicaragua, friends Nicaraguan, Canadian, American... I didn't expect to have to suffer through over a year of ambiguity as we were involved in strategic planning meetings, feeling like everything was up in the air and feeling responsible because I was on the committee. I didn't expect to be coordinating IMPACT Clubs and watching leaders and young people change as they struggle to figure out how to do life in the balance of ideals and reality. I didn't expect to become a bridge between Nicaraguan and North American churches and subsequently become the coordinator of the whole church partnership project. I didn't expect people to let me into their lives and to come into mine. I didn't expect so much joy, or so much sorrow.

But I think I hoped.

Sometimes in the midst of busyness and the long to-do list, I get bogged down in negativity. I forget that I'm in Nicaragua because God wants me there, and He wants to use me for his glory. Like Jeremiah or Gideon, I tell God that he is probably wrong about wanting me for the job. I tell myself that I am just a normal person and begin to think of my life in small terms. I forget that I (along with every other human being) have been crafted by hand, prepared for good works long in advance. What I am doing in Nicaragua is special not because I am a missionary, but because God has crafted and called me to do it. The same as he crafts and calls the people who pick up garbage or repair cars or teach children or walk with old people or do anything that matches their gifts and joy to the world's needs.

Some days, dashing through life (or airports) I forget about the beauty and wonder of being me, of doing what I do. Going to North America on home service trips reminds me to reflect on what I do and why I do it. It reminds me that I have a purpose and place in Nicaragua. It reminds me that I firmly believe in the diversity and unity of the Body of Christ, and I want to be part of its physical manifestation in the world.

I'm on my way to Alberta, Canada. I'll get to meet with churches who partner with the Nehemiah Center and talk about our future together. I'll get to thank supporters and update them about what is going on. I'll get to enjoy my first Oudman pig roast (famous in our family) and celebrate Canadian thanksgiving with people who share my blood. I'll get to spend time with my parents and brother, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and friends. I'll get to practice English and learn how to really say things again. And hopefully,  in the midst of the work and the family and everything, I will be able to remember that I am God's handiwork... and see others that way, too.

Vida Abundante

“Yo he venido para que tengan vida, y vida en abundancia…”

¿Vida en abundancia? ¿Qué significa? A veces no entiendo…

Cansancio en abundancia, sí. Enfermedad y dolor en abundancia. Guerra y persecución en abundancia cuando veamos las noticias. Migración y discriminación en abundancia…

Dice Jesús que su yugo es ligero (Mat 11:28), pero lo podemos creer? Todos tenemos bastante trabajo por nuestro llamado a este ministerio más la labor en la iglesia, con la familia, en muchos áreas… Todo para cumplir con esta idea de vida abundante, ¿no?

Leamos Salmo 66:8-12…(RV1960) “pasamos por el fuego y el agua, y nos sacaste a abundancia.”

¿Cuántos de nosotros nos sentimos como pasamos por fuego y agua? ¿Por el caos – lo que representa agua para los hebreos -  y sufrimiento?

El año pasado como parte de los Caminantes, leí el libro de Joel Van Dyke que se llama Geografía de Gracia y me marcó la vida porque me hizo pensar en lo que es mi mentalidad acerca de la abundancia. Me di cuenta leyendo este capítulo del libro que aunque diga que creo la Biblia y confío en un Dios de abundancia, pocas veces vivo así. Hoy esta reflexión es así. Una reflexión. No es un paquete envuelto en papel bonito pero son pensamientos y preguntas acerca de la vida abundante.

Jesús también pasaba por pruebas. En capítulo 4 de Mateo, Jesús caminaba en el desierto ayunando por 40 días. 40 días que le recordaba de los 40 años de los israelitas, su pueblo, buscando la tierra prometida. Los israelitas, el pueblo escogido supuestamente, pero ahora en el tiempo de Jesús, están bajo del control del poder militar de Roma. Es un pueblo explotado, pobre, sufriendo… ¿Ellos son los escogidos?

Jesús mismo viene de una familia pobre, migrante. Él conoce el sufrimiento de su pueblo, de su propia vida y de su estómago vacío en este momento cuando Satanás le pregunta una cosa sencilla: “¿Por qué no conviertes las piedras a pan?” Lógico que el Hijo de Dios, supuestamente poderoso y bondadoso debe usar su poder no solo para aliviar su propio hambre pero de su gente también. Imagínense un desierto lleno de piedras, convertidas a pan – ¡nadie tendrá hambre jamás!

Piénsenlo… Es lo que nosotros soñamos, verdad? Usar nuestras dones para aliviar y resolver los problemas del mundo… de la nación… de la ciudad… de la comunidad… ¡por lo menos de nuestra familia o propia vida!

Geografía de Gracia nos recuerda que Jesús resistió la tentación a resolver sus propios problemas. Se dio cuenta que la abundancia de Dios no tiene sentido en nuestro mundo muchas veces. Él es el sembrador que lanza preciosa semilla en cualquier lugar. Él es el que cambia agua sucia en vino fino. El amor abundante de Dios nos invita a la mesa donde todos tenemos lugar. Podemos "re-imaginar la economía de Dios como una de descuidada abundancia." Cuando veamos toda la humanidad como a un amigo somos más generosos y las posibilidades de abundancia abundan. Quizá si Jesús hubiera cambiado las piedras a pan en ese momento estaríamos esclavos a milagros y nuestras propias soluciones a los problemas. Pero Jesús responde al tentador que vivimos de todo lo que sale de la boca de Dios (Mat 4:4). Jesús resiste al mito de la escasez y le ve a Dios como amigo confiable. Hay suficiente. !Hay suficiente!

Mary Jo Leddy escribe:

La economía del amor de Dios no está basada en una ley de escasez sino que está enraizada en el misterio de la superabundancia. La decisión personal o política de declarar que no hay suficiente es el inicio de crueldad, guerra y violencia social en una insignificante gran escala. Por el otro lado, la elección de afirmar que hay suficiente para todos es el inicio de comunidad, paz y justicia social. La opción de asumir que hay suficiente libera la imaginación para pensar en nuevas posibilidades políticas y económicas.

 Cuando confiamos que hay suficiente y Dios es capaz de darnos todo lo que necesitamos aun en abundancia, vivimos con amor. Con generosidad. Con paz. Confiamos que hay suficiente pan para todos si solo podemos ver y abrazar esta verdad.

==Ejercicio de pan: Todos reflexionamos en lo que significa vida abundante para cada uno de nosotros en silencio. Yo sé que el silencio nos cuesta pero ponemos lo que aprendemos en Faithwalking en práctica ahorita para reflexionar individualmente. Toman un pedazo de pan mientras piensan… (cada persona tomó un pedazo de pan de un pan grande, y al final sobró un tercero. Después repartí el mismo tamaño de pan pero ya cortado en pedazos y algunas personas casi no recibieron nada).

No sabía si este ejercicio iba a funcionar o no, pero parece que sí. Y no estoy diciendo que no tenemos que ser buenos mayordomos. Pero siempre hay una tensión en la vida, y hoy nos enfocamos en la abundancia. Cuando nosotros decidimos cuánto podemos dar, cuánto Dios puede dar, repartimos todo según nuestros cálculos y a veces ajuste. A veces falta y a veces sobra, pero no sabemos y nos afanamos por tener el control. Al otro lado, si confiamos que en Dios hay suficiente y lo dejamos a él repartir, sobra. ¡Sobra! Hay suficiente. Cuando yo vivo con mis manos cerradas y reparto todo a mi estimación, me preocupo siempre, pero cuando vivo con las manos abiertas y reparto liberamente, sobra.

¿Realmente lo creemos? Cambiemos nuestra mentalidad de escasez a una de abundancia. Digamos que creemos la Biblia. Creemos que Dios tiene el ganado de cien pastos, como dice Salmo 50:10. Creemos cuando Jesús nos reta en Lucas 6:38 diciendo: “Den y se les dará: se les echará en el regazo una llena, apretada, sacudida y desbordante. Porque en la medida que midan a otros, se les medirá a ustedes.” Vivimos con abundancia, descansando y confiando en el Señor que hay suficiente. Suficiente dinero para el presupuesto… suficiente tiempo para el horario… suficiente gracia cuando tenemos que decir “no” y reconocer que alguien más tiene que reponer nuestro esfuerzo. Dice Juan 10:10 que el ladrón sólo viene para robar, matar y destruir… Buscando en el contexto lo que Jesús quiere decir con vida abundante, vemos el contraste. Jesús nos regala… no roba; nos resucita… no mata; nos edifica… no destruye. Tenemos vida abundante cuando le seguimos a él, nuestro buen pastor. Él es la puerta, las ovejas le reconocen su voz y le siguen. Esa es la vida en abundancia.

Cerramos con Salmo 145:14-21 (DHH)… Abre las manos. Sacia lo que necesitan los seres vivos. Cumple con los deseos del corazón. Vivamos con una mentalidad de la vida de abundancia.

[Esta es una reflexión que di en Centro Nehemías durante el tiempo devocional el lunes 21 de septiembre.]

Late but Sure (Tarde pero Seguro)

I am very bad at this communication thing lately, and I apologize. I noticed that although I write excellent blogs in my head on the bus to or from a meeting or activity, I never seem to get it down on my computer once I get home. However, it's high time for at least a skimming update of life in the last few months. Maybe I'll actually get some of those wonderful blogs published too. Be prepared for a flood of outdated information.

Julie and me getting to know each other again

Most of my blogs lately have to do with IMPACT because that's been a major part of my focus in the last few months. I had the extraordinary opportunity to go to Europe for a vacation at the beginning of July. With a week of holidays left in addition to mid-year office shut-down, I had time. It has been two years since I lived in the Netherlands with my Dutch brother and his family, and I have a Dutch niece who is growing up without knowing me. So I bought a ticket and went for a visit. The time was spent getting reacquainted with the family, wooing a Terrible Two Year Old who doesn't understand me, popping around museums and cycling around the royal city of The Hague. I also spent a few days in Germany with our German exchange student and his family, mostly trotting along behind him at a construction site where his is the project manager and architect, and eating really good food. Then I went for a few days to Romania to spend some time with the original IMPACT people, understand the culture of that country more, and spend time with people I usually just email. It was a very beneficial trip and gave me a better idea of the possibilities we can consider for IMPACT in Nicaragua. When I returned to the Netherlands, I got to spend a lot of time with my Dutch family and even celebrate my birthday with them.

Birthday brunch at the beach with my Dutch family

Returning to Nicaragua, I welcomed my first visitor! My friend and former college roommate, Angelina, came to visit for a week. We have been talking about her coming to visit since I first came to Nicaragua, and it finally worked out! While she was here I had less work than I anticipated so we got to spend time doing tourist activities. I really appreciated being able to show someone my life in Nicaragua and see the wonder in her eyes when she ate new foods, rode on public transportation, or climbed a volcano. The visit also helped me transition back into work after the jet lag wore off, so it was perfect timing.

Angelina and me climbing a volcano - but really just enjoying being together

After Angelina left, it was nose to the grindstone. I worked on IMPACT plans and budgets. I made my first multi-plan budget with the help of some friends at the Nehemiah Center, and I feel quite proud of that four-sheet document with different projections of plans and costs for the upcoming year. We had regional leaders meetings - the first of their kind in Nicaragua! Romania involved some Latin American countries in a grant request for the European Union, so I participated with feedback and filling out some paperwork (we'll see if our project is approved!). Just this week, the first IMPACT project was carried out in Chinandega - a work of mercy from a group of young people to some needy families in the community, and I had the honor of accompanying them.

An interactive activity at an IMPACT training

We were also very busy with the strategic plan at the Nehemiah Center. For the past year, I have been involved in meetings to discuss the future of the Nehemiah Center. We went through outside evaluations, conversations with champions, workshops, and soul-searching. After four different versions of a new vision and mission, we finally have a document to present to the General Assembly. Think the equivalent of a Parent-Teacher Assembly for a school or the Congregational Meeting at a church - the voting body that approves or disapproves of future plans and budgets of the institution. That vote happens tomorrow, so we will see what happens, but I am happy that after all the long hours, going to Managua twice a week, and taking a book's worth of notes, we have something to show for our efforts, and all of us on the committee feel good about it.

I'm with a team in this picture, but our committee spent a lot of time in this room of the NC

Another major aspect of life lately has been SPIN students; that is, university students on a study abroad program from Dordt College. I was a SPIN student 5 years ago, and now my housemate is the director of the program. I am the Spanish linguistics instructor as well as the facilitator for their service-learning class. I have been finding places around León for students to volunteer and arranging with them and their placements an agreement for their three weeks of volunteering in November. There are 8 students this year, and despite the fact that they take over my house for Spanish classes every day, they are a pretty cool bunch. I wasn't so thrilled with the full house last week when I got sick, but I feel much better now, and therefore much more hospitable.

Lirio de los Valles, one of the schools where students will be serving in classrooms

In other news, this week it has been raining in Nicaragua! It is supposed to be the middle of the rainy season right now, with heavy rains every day from now until October. However, it has been a very dry year for those of us in the Western region of Nicaragua. Thankfully, we have been receiving showers several days a week over the last couple of weeks, and the temperatures are much more pleasant. That's a good thing because my housemates and I have decided to participate in a two-day course for massage with a friend of mine. Last week Sunday we sweat enough during the course to water a small garden, but hopefully this Sunday it will be much nicer weather for us to practice our healing touch.

One of my housemates, Kelsey, and I - wouldn't you want a massage from us?

That's most of the news lately. September brings some partnership developments, more IMPACT consolidation, and tying up details for SPIN student placements. More specific details and thoughts will follow... maybe. ;)

The Impact of IMPACT

Some days it's easy to discouraged in IMPACT Clubs here in Nicaragua. Our clubs are faltering, closing and opening, numbers dwindling, leaders losing motivation... But once in a while, there's a story, or a training, or a visit, or a project, or even just one club member that reminds me that it's all worth it.

This week I have been working on semi-annual reports to send to Romania, the originating organization of IMPACT Clubs. I recently had the privilege of visiting them for a few days while on holiday in Europe, and I was greatly encouraged by my time with them. We are poised for take off here in Nicaragua with our clubs. Thanks to a June training with two people from Honduras who have been involved in IMPACT clubs for years, our leaders feel motivated, and some are going to open new clubs. Nothing major has happened yet, but it will soon.

Nothing major meaning no community service-learning projects. None at all. IMPACT Clubs have been functioning in Nicaragua for over a year, and no one has even carried out a street cleanup. This is very puzzling since it's one of the main purposes for IMPACT Clubs. IMPACT, for those who don't know, gives youth a group to belong to (besides gangs) and teaches them values and life skills so that they can contribute to their own neighborhoods and cities. It's really weird. Clubs plan the whole project, but when the date for actually carrying out the project approaches, members stop coming to meetings or they are nowhere to be found the day of the project.

However, there is a club that should be completing its first project next week. I talked about it in my report, and I thought I would share it here, too.

The IMPACT Club from Carlos Fonseca in Chinandega, led by Mauren, has had its ups and downs. There are 5 dedicated members from Mauren’s church, but they are mostly family. These core members walk 20 minutes from the church to the neighborhood of Carlos Fonseca and meet with young people – mostly men – on a street corner Wednesday afternoons. Some church members – including one who is in the club – live in this neighborhood. Since the club began meeting in this neighborhood, several people have offered their houses as a meeting space so that if it is raining or very sunny, the group can meet indoors instead of on the street corner.

When Mauren first approached the youth in this neighborhood about starting an IMPACT club, she was very nervous because she is a young, Christian lady and most of the members are young men who are older than her and do not go to church. However, they accepted the idea and Mauren’s leadership. Though the numbers vary, Mauren considers her club to have about 12 active members, and 6 or more who are inactive, drifting in and out of meetings. Others visit but do not integrate into the club. In the past few months, the Carlos Fonseca club has been suffering from low numbers and low motivation.

However, with the training in June, Mauren received more training and a renewed desire to make this club work. They began discussing project ideas, and many ideas were suggested. At a meeting in which I accompanied them, just the church members of the club showed up because they held the meeting in the church. Each person gave an opinion of a project. Some talked about a spiritual retreat, others a sports afternoon, others a project of mercy for poor children in the Carlos Fonseca community. However, none of the ideas got full support from the 6 people gathered, and they saw many obstacles. When they considered that the purpose of the project is to serve the community, they started reconsidering. Then someone mentioned the idea of going to visit the jail. 

The departmental (like state in the US) penitentiary is located in the Carlos Fonseca neighborhood, and several young people from the community are in that jail. Mauren had been told that going to the jail did not count as a project, but it had not been explained clearly that the jail was next to the neighborhood. I encouraged them to consider this project again, especially after hearing that it had originated as an idea from the neighborhood club members. The club decided to go forward with the idea of visiting the penitentiary as a project.

As part of their preparation, the core members of the group, who all belong to the same church, decided to fast weekly and spend time in prayer for this project. They meet to pray and fast on the same day, and it has been increasing their faith. They have seen that this idea is from the Lord because the church and two individuals have been collaborating with them. The club has been collecting clothing and basic supplies to give to the 26 prisoners they will visit – 13 men and 13 women. Mauren testifies that the morale of the club is much higher, the youth in the neighborhood have been participating more faithfully, and the core group from the church has become very dedicated as well. They hope to visit the jail in the first week of August, depending on when they can get approval from the authorities.

In Nicaragua, faith cannot be separated from the clubs. Even in clubs where the majority of members are not Christians, they insist on praying during meetings, and they bring up spiritual themes. Mauren’s club has seen the power of prayer and fasting in their time of preparation for this project, and they are hopeful and trusting in the Lord that their club will be strengthened through this project in the jail. 

Jail Bird

I think I could die happy from this point on. Meaning, I feel satisfied with my life thus far; I have served a purpose and followed God's calling in my life and actions.

Yesterday I went north to Somotillo. Even though this is an active community in the community development program and is working hard to get an IMPACT Club going, we don't go there very often because it's three hours away from León. I went to Somotillo with a team in January, but I don't think I have been back since then. Maybe once.

Anyways, I went yesterday because one of the young guys from the community that I know is in jail. Last weekend during our IMPACT leaders' training, I found out, and I wanted to visit even before the club leader gave a group pep talk about getting involved in the young people's lives and going to visit them even in jail since that's what the Bible tells us to do (Matthew 25 Jesus talks about giving food, clothing, shelter, visits to the "least of these" because we are doing it for him). So yesterday I went to a Nicaraguan jail.

It was technically not my first jail visit. I've been on school field trips. In March I translated for a team that went with a church group to the local jail. However, it's the first time I've actually visited someone I know, and the first time I have been responsible for what I say. There was some confusion as to whether it would just be with the two guys from the community I work with, or if I would talk with all the inmates. I went prepared for talking to all the inmates, but I was relieved that I only had personal conversations with the community guys one at a time, accompanied by two community leaders and long-time Nehemiah Center agents of transformation. We gave everyone juice and cookies, and brought lunch to the two guys from the barrio.

On the bus, I was thinking of what in the world I could say to these Nicaraguan men who have had a life so different from anything I've ever known. What would I want someone to say to me if I were in jail? I'm sure they hear messages of repentance and judgement as often as they get visitors. Was that really what I wanted to transmit to them? 

I went to the jail not to complete some holy commandment in the Bible, but because I knew one of the guys. When I went with a team to the community, I didn't know very many youth. We needed water for the team, and a young man I didn't know from Adam volunteered to take some money and return with two water jugs. I sent him off with a decent sum of money and a lot of trust that he would bring me change and a receipt. I didn't even know his name - just that he had orange-tinted hair. Let's call the guy Orange from now on since I believe in protecting identities. He came back. Then at the end of April, he was at our national IMPACT event. When he was present, he was definitely a leader. All the guys in the group followed his lead whether he asked them to or not. However, he kept sneaking off by himself to smoke or drink, and when people went to look for him, he told them not to bother because he didn't matter to anyone. I remember thinking that he needed someone to invest in him, to speak truth to him that he was truly important.

Call it the Holy Spirit, 27 years in the faith, or good thinking (I opt for the Holy Spirit) brought Isaiah 43 to mind when I was thinking of what I could say to Orange and the other inmates.

Descendants of Jacob,
I, the Lord, created you
    and formed your nation.
Israel, don’t be afraid.
    I have rescued you.
I have called you by name;
    now you belong to me.
2 When you cross deep rivers,
I will be with you,
    and you won’t drown.
When you walk through fire,
you won’t be burned
    or scorched by the flames.

3 I am the Lord, your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
    the God who saves you.
I gave up Egypt, Ethiopia,[a]
and the region of Seba[b]
    in exchange for you.
4 To me, you are very dear,
    and I love you.
That’s why I gave up nations
    and people to rescue you.

5 Don’t be afraid! I am with you.

So I read this passage to Orange when he said he wanted a change in his life. I told him he was loved, that he was important and special to God. He looked at us with tears in his eyes and said he didn't want to go on the same way. I also read to him from later in Isaiah 43:25 where God says he will wipe away sins and forget the wrongs committed against him. Then he asked us to pray, and he repeated a prayer of repentance and surrender to the Lord. One of the community leaders with me talked to him about the importance of making different choices and being a leader once he is out of jail as well. Time will tell what God will do with this young man who has so much potential. 

At the end of the day, a situation that made me really nervous (visiting a jail for the first time and talking to young guys I didn't know) turned out to be a clear example of how God is working in my life and the lives of others. Just a week ago I had said that one of my dreams was to be used as an instrument for God's glory especially in bringing someone to salvation, but I could not have predicted it might have happened so soon afterwards. To God be the glory, and may we all be willing vessels in the Potter's hands.

Serving with Eyes Wide Open

Living in another country, it is easy to hear the criticisms from detractors -both foreign and national- and become discouraged in mission. The temptation to think of international participation as "the talent" can be strong when working overseas. What right, really, do I have to tell people who are older, more experienced, and fully immersed in local culture what we should be doing in any respect? Visiting the pastors and leaders who are connected to the Nehemiah Center, it is easy to see that they are talented, passionate, effective people in their communities, so why should I be here? I'm not the only one who asks this question. Some of the participants who visit on service-and-learning or vision trips ask the same things. They wonder what good they can really do here long-term. They see that Nicaraguans have good networks and are organized among themselves. They can raise funds and build new classrooms for their schools. So why are we here?

For a long time I have been convinced that despite the reservations many North Americans have with foreign missions, and especially the short-term model, international exchange is a good thing. It has a biblical basis on many levels. Jesus told his followers to go and make disciples of all nations. That is a call for all followers everywhere to join in discipling each other. Ephesians 2 talks about how all have been reconciled through Christ so there is no dividing wall anymore. What better way to show that than to work together as Christians in our different contexts? Furthermore, I have been reading a book by David Livermore called Serving with Eyes Wide Open, and he points out that God's mission really began with Adam and Eve when he commissioned them to be his agents in the world. We are created to be the presence of God in the world, wherever we are. Yes, we are needed. Not in the sense that we have so much to give to those who are poor (although that is sometimes true) but because we are all part of the Body of Christ, and when we practice interdependence, we are participating in God's expanding Kingdom on earth.

Besides the biblical model of reconciliation and interdependence, there are other arguments for cross-cultural missions. We can learn from each others successes and failures, strengths and weaknesses. One example from my life is that Nicaraguan pastors want to get together for prayer and fellowship, but if no one heads up the activity and invites all the others, it's difficult for them to actually carry through. Something as simple as a person who coordinates the next gathering via text helps them fulfill their goal of meeting. A church may have grand plans for their building, the workers necessary, but lack the funds to carry out their plans as soon as they would like. An infusion of funds from an outside source can make a big difference. A North American church may want to engage with their local community, but since the majority of members commute to the building, they don't know how to reach out to their neighborhood; a Nicaraguan church that is more community-based can teach their Northern brothers and sisters how to interact effectively with neighbors. The spiritual emphasis of Christians in Latin America is very strong, and North American believers can learn a lot from the testimonies, prayer, and spiritual warfare of Nicaraguan Christians. 

The list of why we should continue to travel to other countries to interact with different people and cultures could go on and on. We are an increasingly globalized society, and we can enjoy the benefits of that while being careful of the negative aspects. For some people, a visit from North Americans may be the only interaction they have with a white face besides what they see on television. Why are we here? To spread the word the Jesus loves all people. That God created us in his image and therefore we all have worth and value. There is no longer a dividing wall because Christ is our peace, and we are all being built together as a holy temple to the Lord.

Family Overseas

It's June, which means I'm thinking about Europe since it's been two years since God changed my heart there in a monastery in France. Two years since I was the nanny to an adorable 5 month old girl. Two years. Not long at all, and yet so long. 

Long because the lapse of time involves family. Little kids who matter to me are growing up, and I don't even recognize them. Granted, internet helps. I can iMessage, WhatsApp, Facebook, and email with my family overseas. But it's not the same.

So three weeks from today, I'm jumping the pond and going to see my Dutch and German brothers and their families. Now, some of you may be confused. What? Adrianna, you always say you just have one younger brother. That's mostly because it's easier than explaining how I have two non-biological brothers. 

My blood brother, Dirk and me

Edo became my Dutch brother when I was one year old. My less-than-thirty parents decided to invite a 16-year-old into their house when they had a baby around too. When my babysitter suggested my parents needed to have another child, I adamantly declared that I didn't need a little brother - Edo was my brother! And he has been ever since then with visits an average of every three years of my life.  He was at my high school graduation. I signed as a witness at his wedding. He helped me celebrate my 21st birthday. I helped raise his 4-month-old daughter for three months after I finished school. Our histories weave together like a brother and sister who are 15 years apart. Now his daughter is growing up fast, and it's my turn to visit his family so we keep that connection. 

 

Having fun in Paris together two years ago

Edo's family waving goodbye at the airport

Tobi became part of our family when I was 8 years old. By this time my brother Dirk had been born, and the two of us were constantly going into Tobi's room, invading his privacy, driving him nuts. We had some rough patches, but at the end of the year, Tobi was family too. Hey, who isn't after they teach you how to shoot birds in the barn with a nail gun?

Tobi, his wife, and his daughter in Germany

Tobi's newborn son and me when I visited two years ago

My family has visited and received both Edo's and Tobi's families, and we all have a good relationship with each other since they can thankfully speak English. So when I say I'm going to Europe to visit family, it feels like the right description. They are more than friends to me.

I go back and forth feeling guilty and excited about this trip. Really? Going to Europe again after just two years? Aren't you on a missionary budget? Yes, but I've been saving for this trip, and this is not just a college backpacking trip. I need to see people because this is time that I can never get back with these kids who are growing up. Plus, I'll be squeezing in some work and visiting some IMPACT club leaders in Romania since I'm already over there. And I'm using one of the office's vacation weeks to go, so it's a good use of time instead of sitting around doing nothing or trying fruitlessly to work in Nicaragua. 

So that's my big news today. I'm cleaning my room and dancing around because I'm so excited. In the next few weeks, there are several big things happening, but I'll write more about those when the time comes. For now, I'm celebrating my foreign family, looking forward to seeing them.

Mother's Day Weekend

Nicaraguans celebrate Mother's Day on May 30, and this year, that happened to be a Saturday. So how did I spend my weekend? Taking care of a child.

On Friday I went to visit my two former host mothers in León - one from 5 years ago and one from 1 year ago. Mother's Day is a really big deal here. They put on school programs, businesses and government jobs shut down for the day, and there are decorations with feminine colors everywhere in the streets, the houses, the offices. People go to spend time with their mothers and bring them something special or take them out to eat. I knew that I would not be in León on the official Mother's Day, so I went to my mothers on Friday afternoon to drop off their gifts and give them hugs to tell them how much I appreciate them.

I wasn't around on Saturday because I went to Managua to a friend's house, and while the parents went out with their teenage children for the weekend, I got to hang out with their adorable four year old son. From lunchtime Saturday to dinnertime Sunday, this little boy got my full attention. It was a wonderful break for me because I didn't have to try to do much else than manage the house and attend to his needs. We watched the cars pass on the road while sipping juice boxes, went to a park in downtown Managua with my uncle and enjoyed a miniature model of old Managua and a life-sized airplane as well as ice cream, fried chicken, and rice. I got to let him run around the grocery store like a crazy person, laughing at his antics. Sunday he sat by his best friend in church, and afterwards he got to ride his bike around. He was always glad to go to bed because each sleep brought the return of his family closer.

While we played in the hose and washed the car, I thought about what it means to take care of a child, and how I have had that privilege in so many children's lives. Some people may be good at babysitting because they want kids and consider it practice. I, on the other hand, am good at babysitting because I really like the kids I watch, and I can pour myself into them because I have no other responsibilities. I have the luxury of dedicating all my time to this child instead of trying to work, take care of other kids, clean the house, book flights to visit family, etc. For me, babysitting is the gift of being forced to live in the moment.

Around Mother's Day (in any country, I imagine), there is a lot of talk of potential mothers for single or childless women. I don't think of it that way. Instead, I remember the children I have built relationships with throughout the years. I think of my own babysitters and how special the regulars were to me. I think of the first few families who were my own regulars, going to their house several days a week after school or during the summer. I think of my Dutch niece and being her nanny while I lived in the Netherlands. I think of the family in BC that still makes me want to cry for missing them, and how I got to join life with them. I think I've already received a taste of what it is like to be a mother. I'm content with my place in life, and I'm happy to serve tired and frazzled parents with a break in their routine while I take care of their kids for a few hours or a few days.

It's a gift to be a mother, but it's also a gift to be a babysitter. I don't think of myself as a potential mother around Mother's Day; rather, I'm thankful for the kids that in some small way, I get to consider mine.

Upon Arrival

There's so many white people,
And they're all so big.
The smile breaks unbidden
At my inner dialogue
And my own surprised reactions.
I am a child in wonder
And it makes me feel vulnerable
To have that joyful marveling
Etched on my face,
But I can't help it;
I'm going home.
I picture my mother's welcoming smile
And the scratch of my father's beard on the top
Of my head when they give me a hug.

At the Hilton I look up and see the lights from the rooms
Where people have decided not to
Block out the world with the blackout curtains
And I smile at the bravery of their lives.
I leave my baggage unattended in the airport
 - rebel that I am-
And don't feel my heart beat fast
Worried that someone will rob me.
Who is around to rob me?

I walk back and forth
Across the crosswalk,
Delighted by the way traffic stops and the traffic
Guards tell me to wait or go.
Gone for now are the chaotic crossings,
One lane at a time
While trucks roar past and cars
Honk their horns.
The city is glass and height
And brisk bright lights
That illuminate the puff of fog
Breath makes in the cold.
My hands get numb and
I marvel at forgotten sensation.

It's a whole new world
This place called home.
So familiar and yet so foreign.
It awakes the traveler in me,
And I stare out the window as the bus 

Takes me closer to the bed 

That is mine.

Migrating North

I realize that I am very behind in updates about life, but let me catch you up a bit. Since my wonderfully refreshing and eye-opening, reflective vacation in Guatemala the first week of April, I have been working on several projects. The various details and arrangements for a couple of major events have kept me busy without wearing me out too much.

I found a huge chair in Antigua, Guatemala and sat for a while

First, there is a group of 4 people coming at the end of May to learn and envision how their church can be involved with the Nehemiah Center long-term. The career missionary of Christian Reformed World Missions is on home service, so I am the person in charge of this team. Since it is so small, I am doing basically all the preparation, execution, and follow-up for this trip. I started sketching out the preliminary plans a couple of weeks ago, and I'm in the process of confirming details and budget proposals now. The team will arrive in Nicaragua May 21, so I have some time yet.

Preparing new materials to hand out to clubs at the IMPACT event on Saturday, April 25. Each club received a new set of markers, pens, lessons, and soccer balls 

Second, my colleague Roberto and I planned and carried out the first national IMPACT conference for all the youth and leaders involved in the clubs. We have six clubs in Nicaragua, but only four showed up with their youth members. We still had about 45 people, and we enjoyed a day of games, reflections, recreation, and t-shirt decorating contests.

The IMPACT clubs designed their own t-shirts and explained the message and significance of their design. This group won based on creativity, club participation/cooperation, and message of the theme.

Third, I was planning a short trip to the US. I had a flight voucher that I wanted to use before it expired May 12. I have been working as an ambassador between 5 Nicaraguan churches in Chinandega and 1 main church in Pella, Iowa. When the Pella team visited in January, the idea of me visiting their church came up, and it seemed good to all of us. Turns out this coming weekend is Pella's famous Tulip Time festival, and I will be participating in raising funds for Nicaragua at the food booth, taking lots of pictures and videos of the celebration, and presenting in church on Sunday.

The Pella church has a reputation in Chinandega for being gardeners (Tulip Time and Garden Tours that they have talked about) so at their last visit one project was to transplant some of the flowers around one church!

Since I was already going to be in the US, I am also taking some time to visit other churches, spend time with family, and go to all the routine appointments like the optometrist, dentist, chiropractor, etc. The trip was good timing for me because I needed to renew my driver's license, and I was able to do that in person.

Speaking in my home and sending church this past Sunday morning (notice the sweater!)

Though I can't be gone for very long at this time (things are happening with IMPACT clubs and church partnerships, plus this team that I'm in charge of), it's nice to escape the León heat for now. We are waiting for the rain to come, and the weather feels like it. It is very hot and humid, with temperatures generally sitting at 105 during the day and cooling to 90 at night with 70% humidity. Everyone was suffering. Hopefully by the time I go back the rains will have started and the climate will be more bearable. Until then, I'm enjoying my sweaters and vests and socks!

Working in the pool in the heat just to try to stay productive on all these arrangements I had to make!