Great Expectations

Life comes with a lot of expectations. Some of them are good, some demanding, some negative... Sometimes, expectations placed on us can be overwhelming.

I have been feeling a lot of pressure in the last few months to try to get everything done. I see that the areas in which I work (church friendships, youth program, and volunteers) are expanding, and that makes me happy because I feel like God is opening doors. However, it also overwhelms me because I don't know how to get everything done. I put a lot of pressure on myself to perform at 100% without feeling like I have a full tank. Consequently, I've been a bit sickly lately. Tired, not hungry, not sleeping. I went to the doctor, and after she saw test results, she said there's nothing medically wrong with me. So I just need to balance life a little better.

I have been putting less pressure on myself to do everything. Recognizing that my ability to function at all goes down when I am tired, I have been giving myself more permission to recover and not always be working. Sometimes this means a Netflix movie on the couch, sometimes it's shopping with a friend, sometimes it's an extra-long devotions time. Sorry to all of you who feel like I have dropped off the face of the earth. I really appreciate the notes and emails - I just haven't had the gumption to respond yet. We're working on that.

Some of the pressure in life comes from emotional transitions or big decisions, but there's also a lot going on at work. Many transitions and changes have taken place in the last six months, and the whole team at the Nehemiah Center is working very hard to adapt and perform at a higher level. Generally these changes are positive; they simply require extra effort because they are different.

The biggest change is that the Nehemiah Center is launching a training network in Managua. This past Wednesday, May 25, we hosted a vision conference with 50 pastors to introduce them to the Nehemiah Center and offer them an opportunity to walk with us for the next six months in trainings about how to be better churches. This event took a lot of work and planning, and we were all a little anxious about how it would go. We were expecting a lot from God: good attendance, high interest in further training, and a successful event. Praise Jesus, he fulfilled and surpassed expectations! We had a decent turnout from the people we invited (50 out of 65 confirmed), and over half want to participate in our next phase of training. We are all excited though a bit nervous about the extra work.

So while some expectations can stress us out or make us sick, others provide life and joy. What's the difference? I think I'm learning that when I expect great things from myself, I can rarely perform at the level I wish. Eventually I burn myself out or cause harm in some other way. However, when I expect great things from God, he comes through in big ways. With the Spirit's guidance and power, great expectations can be fulfilled even better than we imagined. To God be the glory!

Life Lessons from Mom

Today is Mother's Day in the United States. In Nicaragua we celebrate on May 30, so it feels a bit weird to be thinking about a day that everyone else is preparing for while I'm actually supposed to celebrate my mom today. :) However, in honor of the day and my mother, I wanted to share with everyone some of the things that she has taught me. 

I love my mom's laugh

Without my mom in my life, I would be a very different person. I love and value her. I trust her. I seek her insight and guidance. I argue with her. She knows me better than I know myself. So today, I reflect on what has stuck with me the most from my time with my mom.

How we feel about trying Thousand Year Old duck eggs

Your faith should affect everything you do.

From devotions in the morning to how I played soccer to weeding the garden, my mom shared with us the importance of making our faith an integral part of our lives. She shared from her own experience as an agricultural major in college and how she first began to think about doing all of life in a Christian way. She talked about her calling in construction and how building good houses is good stewardship and part of the values she has as a Christian. My mom taught me that nothing in my life is separate from my faith in Jesus Christ.

My mom has a great way of hosting people in our home... She just makes them part of our lives

Pray about everything.

Any time I approached my mom looking for advice or floating a decision, one of her first questions (which I generally dreaded) was, "Have you prayed about it?" I started shooting up prayers to God just so I could say "yes." But this emphasis on prayer has shaped who I am and how I make decisions. Pray is a real part of my life, a conversation of seeking and talking and listening - well, at least that is the ideal - and I credit my mother for a lot of that. She modeled for us real prayers at family devotions after breakfast and dinner. My mom has also encouraged my prayer life by building me up and telling me that she thinks I am a prayer warrior; I don't think I am, but her words inspire me to pray more than I do now. 

Most of what I know about cooking, I learned from my mom. It's not her fault it's not very much - I was a bad student

Anything you do is worth your best effort.

Whether she was telling me how her grandma inspected her dusting with a white glove, teaching me how to clean the toilet with a toothbrush, encouraging me in my studies at school, or exhorting me not to give up when I didn't like a job, my mom has taught me the importance of doing my best. She used to tell me that the grades didn't matter as long as I was giving it my best. I learned from my mom some of my perfectionism, but also that serving as unto the Lord means giving my best effort in whatever I do (because, see the first thing on the list).

We may not always be photogenic, but we like each other a lot

You are a beautiful child of God.

I belong to God, my mother has always told me. She was not like other mothers in many ways; I knew she loved me even though she wasn't at all of my games or didn't pack my lunches in the morning. I value the independence she instilled in me. When people ask how my parents feel about me living in Nicaragua, I can truthfully tell them that my parents are happy because they know that I'm obeying God's call in my life. They have always said that I do not belong to them, that I belong to God and he entrusted me to their care. They in turn entrust me to His. My mom has spoken words of freedom and truth into my life, reaffirming who I am in Christ when I feel broken and ugly and useless and scared. I am a beautiful child of God.

Much to her chagrin, we even dress alike sometimes

Our family rituals - like the Santa Hat and Thank You Hugs - are something my mom has given to us

Wash the dishes at night before going to bed.

Yes, my mom has shaped who I am in many ways, but as I grow older, I see more of her training and tendencies in myself. For example, when I'm away for the night, my housemates often leave the dishes until the next morning. It's part of my nightly ritual to wash the dishes so I can wake up to clean counters (plus, it cuts down on the risk of mice and rats entering in the night to lick the plates clean). There are other practical habits I've learned from my mom. Things like waiting for others to be served before eating, using special dishes for special occasions, wanting the house to be clean when guests come over. These and many others are habits and lessons I have learned from my mom.

My mom has always stressed harmony in our home. My brother and I are really glad for that the older we get

Thank you, Mom, for being such an important part of my life. Thank you for being someone who continues to change and learn and grow. Thank you for showing me more of God. Thank you for passing down wisdom and strength and truth. Thank you, Mom, for being my mother. Happy Mother's Day.