Group Work

When I was younger, I hated group work. The dread of working with other people, compromising on decisions, waiting for them to finish their part... it was all pretty awful. I don't mind working with other people if I've already worked through it myself. For example, I can study for a test with a group if I've already studied on my own. But when the teacher tosses you together and tells you to accomplish something, usually with the idea that it would be easier to share the load, I wished I could have just done it all by myself.

Nicaragua is a very collaborative culture. People don't shut themselves in their room to study in the quiet; rather, they sit in the living room with the TV blaring and their family talking. Offices at the Nehemiah Center are shared, and people are free to walk in and out, talking to whomever they please. It's actually quite rude to walk into a shared office and not greet everyone present. This culture stereotypically thrives on collective efforts and group activities.

Needless to say, I've been adjusting. I'm thankful for my training at CanIL, the grad program that prepared my classmates and I for Bible translation and overseas ministry. We were constantly reminded that the world of missions is one of shared projects. No more lone wolves. People need to work together, share their findings, divide and conquer. Although I still wasn't thrilled with working in groups, by the time I went to grad school, I was willing to give it a good effort. I didn't even do everything by myself ahead of time.

Since coming to Nicaragua, I have become part of the Ezra team at the Nehemiah Center. We have group meetings once a month, and we often have shared projects. When planning for team visits, I often share the workload with others. Though I often feel like the process is slower and clunkier when working in a group, I think the benefits outweigh my impatience. We all agree, building consensus and teamwork. We solve problems together so not all of the burden falls on one person's shoulders. We divide the teaching time so not just one person has to prepare and talk during a session.

Lately, I have been especially thankful for the collaboration at the Nehemiah Center. In the past, I have been the only one in charge of certain things, and it is a lonely, stressful position. Right now, I have people helping me in almost all the major areas of my work, and I feel much more supported. Things do not all rest on my shoulders. I can ask other people what we should do, and I'm not the only one who needs to talk responsibility. Maybe group work isn't so bad. Maybe that's what the "body of Christ" and "family of God" that the Bible refers to is all about.

here

This Christmas, I was gifted a trip to Texas so I could spend the holidays with my family. My brother lives and works in Waco, and my parents drove down here so we could be together and see what his life is like. I actually decided to take this time as a vacation (like many of my coworkers at the Nehemiah Center) and just focus on time with family and recharging. 

Part of me has been struggling with what seems like too many trips in one year, but then I have reminded myself of some things, such as the importance of holidays with family in North American and Nicaraguan culture, and that this trip was a gift to be celebrated. Being here with my family is not something I should feel guilty about, but grateful for. Being present with them reminds me of what God did for us...

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God... And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us.

Jesus moved far away from home. He left heaven and became part of the earth. He was fully present in a particular time and place to people who needed him. Sometimes those people were his family members. Sometimes those people were the sick and crazed. Sometimes those people were hungry and tired. Sometimes it was crowds, and sometimes it was just one person. The point is, Jesus was present to the people he was with. He came to be with us.

Some people do not enjoy the holidays. It reminds them of what they are missing. Holidays are a time of nostalgia and melancholy and pain and loneliness for some. Or it just means nothing to others. Not everyone gets excited about Christmas or New Years.

Nevertheless, Jesus came to be with us. And at Christmas we celebrate the event in history that means we are never alone, and we can always have a new start. This year, that is what I'm celebrating. I have the tangible reminders of family and friends, but I have the more important hope and assurance that Christmas and New Years bring... Jesus is here, God with us.

Left Behind

"Parting is such sweet sorrow..."

I don't think so, Shakespeare. At least, today's parting was not sweet. It was mostly just sad. Leaving a place that has been home for some time is always hard, but getting left behind is worse, I've decided.

This morning, Guissell and I dropped off Kelsey (and Ethan) at the airport. They carried three checked bags, two backpacks, a guitar, and a cat. All of Kelsey's life at this point (minus one suitcase she had already sent to the US). In other words, she is going home for Christmas and not coming back. 

For months people have been talking to me about how I feel regarding Kelsey's departure, and I kept using Elisha's line when the prophets said his mentor, Elijah, would be taken away from him: "I know, but do not speak of it."

But the time for denial is long gone. The girl who has shown up on most of my facebook "year in review" pictures will no longer be in our house. I will make less coffee in the mornings. I won't have to turn off as many lights. I will see the rocking chair empty most of the time. Her annoying cat, to which I feigned indifference, but really actually cared about, is not there to greet us when we walk in the door or fling herself about the house when she gets in a mood. Kelsey will not be there on the bus rides to Managua with me. She won't be giving me the eye when I'm working at nine o'clock at night. When I go to the store, I don't need to buy bread to make her day or pick up red wine on special occasions. My musical inputs will be severely limited since her playlists and portable speaker are also gone now. 

Kelsey and I worked together, and even though our official job descriptions don't overlap too much, we actually bounced a lot of ideas off of each other. She got me through strategic planning sessions at the Nehemiah Center, and I was her sounding board for Dordt College's off-campus semester in Nicaragua. We pulled together teams, translated and interpreted, made connections in our networks for each other. She has been an important part of my time in Nicaragua.

Perhaps this all sounds a bit melodramatic for some, and it might be (I never said I wasn't theatrical). She's not dead, after all. But she is gone. And things will never be the same. I have said goodbye to enough close friends to know that we won't stop being friends, but things are never the same. We won't be able to fall in together and never have to explain our references. We won't be able to name things and "just know" anymore. I won't be able to flop onto her bed at night to chat or watch some show with her. Time together from now on will be "visits." So yes, something significant has ended.

The crazy thing is, Kelsey and I were not "two peas in a pod." More like apples and oranges. We are both young women doing our best to serve God and others, but that's about where the resemblance ends. She is mostly introverted, I am mostly extroverted. She keeps her cards close, I wear my heart on my sleeve. She can be many things to many people, and I tend to blunder my way through the same with everyone. Many times when we shared deep things with each other, Kelsey would look at me, shake her head, and say, "We are SO different." 

Yet despite those differences, we became fast friends. We made a choice that the fights and the forgiveness and the misunderstandings were worth it. We chose to love each other, to let each other in... Well, I chose to let her in - I can't speak for her.

I chose to let Kelsey into my heart even knowing that she had an exit date. Guissell and I were talking on the drive home from the airport whether or not it's viable to get very attached to people. They always leave. You can't depend on others too much. And yet. You have to let other people in, or you will live a very lonely life. My life has been fairly short and painless, so I'm still figuring stuff like this out. The pain when someone you rely on leaves or dies is pretty horrendous. But I have a theory that never letting anyone get close enough to hurt you would hurt even worse, so I think I'll keep my heart open. And in that opening of the heart, I will remember that there is someone who is my best friend, who will never leave me. Jesus Christ is my home, and I need to keep that before me. God turned his back on his Son so that He would never have to leave me. That's the good news of Christmas, and that's hope even when I'm left behind. 

Setting the Table

Two weeks ago, my IMPACT club in Nuevo Horizonte carried out its first community-service project. I felt as proud and relieved as I imagine a parent with a problem student is to see their child graduate from high school. I mean, we have been meeting as a club since May 2014, and finally in November 2015 we completed one of the main goals of an IMPACT club.

Pulling weeds and picking up garbage in the neighborhood Nuevo Horizonte

Not only did we complete the project, but we pulled it off with great success. Local business owners donated garbage sacks to collect the weeds and garbage we picked up as well as a snack in the late morning when we were all getting tired and thirsty.

Some of us started at 9 am, and we finished around noon. The goal was to chop down all the weeds that had grown during the rainy season, and we picked up all the garbage. Near our IMPACT meeting spot there is an empty area, and no one really maintains it. We decided to clean up our area as a first step.

Not all the members of the club participated, and not all the participants were club members. But some of the guys who helped chop weeds with a machete have been coming to meetings more now. And I think it gained us props and recognition in the community.

There were 12 sacks by the time we finished!

In order to celebrate and evaluate the project, I invited the entire group to my house for dinner this past Monday. It was a little stressful to decide what to make for a bunch of Nicaraguans, especially guys who can eat a lot. I ended up serving rice, boiled beans, sausages, the Dutch dish of mashed potatoes and carrots, and a tomato salad. Plus cookies and ice cream for dessert. So we muddled our way through a discussion about the weak points in the project, what we want to improve, what we liked about our work, and what we want to do next. I took it as a good sign that one of the critiques was that we only cleaned one street of the three in the neighborhood, and no one seemed to object to the idea of cleaning the other two streets for the next steps.

Great teamwork with someone holding a sack and others shoving refuse into it

 When it came time to eat, the two teenage girls (the youngest members of our club at 15) and another leader, Clarisa, helped me serve plates. We ran out of rice, and I had to make more sausages last minute, but it worked out pretty well. The only thing lacking was tortillas, which I forgot to buy. Oh well. The girls served the plates to the boys, and they poured juice too. There was some joke about the girls spilling juice all over the guys, and I never figured out what really happened.

The girls, who bring a lot of energy to our group's meetings, and helped serve

In the midst of the boys were teasing the girls so much about being poor hostesses and whether or not there was dessert, I told them they were welcome to wash dishes. Much to my surprise, they started in. So my kitchen was full of 5 young men washing dishes, teasing and hitting each other. One of them started running the mop. I had taken off my socks and shoes earlier that day and forgotten to pick them up from their corner in the kitchen, and the "maid" almost threw them out for me. We were all laughing a lot at their shenanigans.

Having help with the dishes was great!

That's when I realized why I am still in IMPACT. That night we had discussed the sense of accomplishment we felt after finally finishing a project. The other leader, Trinidad, and I shared that it had been a hard road. I told the kids that many times I was ready to give up because there was only one person at meetings, but Trinidad fought to stick with it. Now we have a group of 14 regulars, and we are so thankful for them. Not for youth in general, but for Marcos and Toto and Gloria and all the others who make up my IMPACT club. They teach me what it means to prepare a table for people. Trinidad has taught me what it means to persevere and keep that table available even when it seems like no one will ever come over to eat dinner.

Trinidad, the founder and champion of our IMPACT club

 Monday night I literally prepared a table, but I hope that it was just a small part of opening my heart, home, and life to these youth - and being an example to them of what it means to live generously with others so that they too learn how to set the table and receive others with open arms.

We turned our usual IMPACT meeting bench into an impromptu table for lunch after our work project

Cool Presentations

This weekend I was with a team that is looking into how they can be involved in Nicaragua in the future, and I made a presentation on Prezi, a format I have never tried before, to explain the work of Christian Reformed World Missions in León. It turned out really well! Since I am so proud of it, I wanted to share it with you about the kinds of things I am involved with. Perhaps it lacks some explanation for you, but you can still get an idea.

CRWM in León

The rest of the weekend went really well. After an explanation of everything on Saturday morning, we ate lunch together (team and guides). Then we went to a neighborhood where the community development program is going strong, and we watched women learn how to make cushions while talking with them about their microenterprise. The team got to ask the ETU leaders questions about their community initiatives. Then they bought a bunch of handicrafts from the girls who were learning needlework crafts as well.

After the ETU community, we visited a business owner at her stall in the main park. She makes and sells preserves. In the morning she goes to the market and buys seasonal fruit, and then she transforms it into jellies, preserves, and spreads. Her daughter takes pictures and puts them on facebook, and people can order the wares that day. They deliver same day via motorcycle or send it with a bus if the people live outside of León. This business woman believes in using natural ingredients even though she is a chemist and knows how to mix the preservatives. From raw material to consumer takes one day, which is pretty cool.

Then we went and talked to Lourdes and Alejandro, a pastoral couple who have seen their marriage, family, and church turn around because of God, recognizing their worth in his eyes, and some Nehemiah Center programs. Pretty cool testimonies, and I happen to like them a lot as a couple.

After a delicious supper with some mint lemonade slushies and rich ice cream, we went to my house for a debriefing time. The team left just as it began to pour, and I had a good night's sleep. Sunday morning was sunny for our stroll around downtown León before church. We saw the cathedral, the public university, the church where Mary is the patron, and murals celebrating the Nicaraguan revolution. We worked up a good sweat in the León heat and humidity before going to church at 10 am at Promesa, my church home here. After singing some good songs and hearing a message about trusting God's promises in the midst of our difficult situations, we went to the beach for a swim and fish for lunch. Then they were gone.

Wow! A whirlwind, but a good taste of what goes on in León, and a reason that I'm quite satisfied with my weekend even though I spent it working very hard. We'll see what God does next!

At the Gate

Houston.

The last time I was in this airport, I was running to catch a flight and worrying about not being with my friend because she had missed the last flight. January 2, 2015. The day I moved to Nicaragua.

And here I am again, but today I have lots of time and free internet. I don't think I knew what to expect over a year and a half ago as I dashed through the terminals, but I didn't expect this. I didn't expect to find such good friends in Nicaragua, friends Nicaraguan, Canadian, American... I didn't expect to have to suffer through over a year of ambiguity as we were involved in strategic planning meetings, feeling like everything was up in the air and feeling responsible because I was on the committee. I didn't expect to be coordinating IMPACT Clubs and watching leaders and young people change as they struggle to figure out how to do life in the balance of ideals and reality. I didn't expect to become a bridge between Nicaraguan and North American churches and subsequently become the coordinator of the whole church partnership project. I didn't expect people to let me into their lives and to come into mine. I didn't expect so much joy, or so much sorrow.

But I think I hoped.

Sometimes in the midst of busyness and the long to-do list, I get bogged down in negativity. I forget that I'm in Nicaragua because God wants me there, and He wants to use me for his glory. Like Jeremiah or Gideon, I tell God that he is probably wrong about wanting me for the job. I tell myself that I am just a normal person and begin to think of my life in small terms. I forget that I (along with every other human being) have been crafted by hand, prepared for good works long in advance. What I am doing in Nicaragua is special not because I am a missionary, but because God has crafted and called me to do it. The same as he crafts and calls the people who pick up garbage or repair cars or teach children or walk with old people or do anything that matches their gifts and joy to the world's needs.

Some days, dashing through life (or airports) I forget about the beauty and wonder of being me, of doing what I do. Going to North America on home service trips reminds me to reflect on what I do and why I do it. It reminds me that I have a purpose and place in Nicaragua. It reminds me that I firmly believe in the diversity and unity of the Body of Christ, and I want to be part of its physical manifestation in the world.

I'm on my way to Alberta, Canada. I'll get to meet with churches who partner with the Nehemiah Center and talk about our future together. I'll get to thank supporters and update them about what is going on. I'll get to enjoy my first Oudman pig roast (famous in our family) and celebrate Canadian thanksgiving with people who share my blood. I'll get to spend time with my parents and brother, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and friends. I'll get to practice English and learn how to really say things again. And hopefully,  in the midst of the work and the family and everything, I will be able to remember that I am God's handiwork... and see others that way, too.

Vida Abundante

“Yo he venido para que tengan vida, y vida en abundancia…”

¿Vida en abundancia? ¿Qué significa? A veces no entiendo…

Cansancio en abundancia, sí. Enfermedad y dolor en abundancia. Guerra y persecución en abundancia cuando veamos las noticias. Migración y discriminación en abundancia…

Dice Jesús que su yugo es ligero (Mat 11:28), pero lo podemos creer? Todos tenemos bastante trabajo por nuestro llamado a este ministerio más la labor en la iglesia, con la familia, en muchos áreas… Todo para cumplir con esta idea de vida abundante, ¿no?

Leamos Salmo 66:8-12…(RV1960) “pasamos por el fuego y el agua, y nos sacaste a abundancia.”

¿Cuántos de nosotros nos sentimos como pasamos por fuego y agua? ¿Por el caos – lo que representa agua para los hebreos -  y sufrimiento?

El año pasado como parte de los Caminantes, leí el libro de Joel Van Dyke que se llama Geografía de Gracia y me marcó la vida porque me hizo pensar en lo que es mi mentalidad acerca de la abundancia. Me di cuenta leyendo este capítulo del libro que aunque diga que creo la Biblia y confío en un Dios de abundancia, pocas veces vivo así. Hoy esta reflexión es así. Una reflexión. No es un paquete envuelto en papel bonito pero son pensamientos y preguntas acerca de la vida abundante.

Jesús también pasaba por pruebas. En capítulo 4 de Mateo, Jesús caminaba en el desierto ayunando por 40 días. 40 días que le recordaba de los 40 años de los israelitas, su pueblo, buscando la tierra prometida. Los israelitas, el pueblo escogido supuestamente, pero ahora en el tiempo de Jesús, están bajo del control del poder militar de Roma. Es un pueblo explotado, pobre, sufriendo… ¿Ellos son los escogidos?

Jesús mismo viene de una familia pobre, migrante. Él conoce el sufrimiento de su pueblo, de su propia vida y de su estómago vacío en este momento cuando Satanás le pregunta una cosa sencilla: “¿Por qué no conviertes las piedras a pan?” Lógico que el Hijo de Dios, supuestamente poderoso y bondadoso debe usar su poder no solo para aliviar su propio hambre pero de su gente también. Imagínense un desierto lleno de piedras, convertidas a pan – ¡nadie tendrá hambre jamás!

Piénsenlo… Es lo que nosotros soñamos, verdad? Usar nuestras dones para aliviar y resolver los problemas del mundo… de la nación… de la ciudad… de la comunidad… ¡por lo menos de nuestra familia o propia vida!

Geografía de Gracia nos recuerda que Jesús resistió la tentación a resolver sus propios problemas. Se dio cuenta que la abundancia de Dios no tiene sentido en nuestro mundo muchas veces. Él es el sembrador que lanza preciosa semilla en cualquier lugar. Él es el que cambia agua sucia en vino fino. El amor abundante de Dios nos invita a la mesa donde todos tenemos lugar. Podemos "re-imaginar la economía de Dios como una de descuidada abundancia." Cuando veamos toda la humanidad como a un amigo somos más generosos y las posibilidades de abundancia abundan. Quizá si Jesús hubiera cambiado las piedras a pan en ese momento estaríamos esclavos a milagros y nuestras propias soluciones a los problemas. Pero Jesús responde al tentador que vivimos de todo lo que sale de la boca de Dios (Mat 4:4). Jesús resiste al mito de la escasez y le ve a Dios como amigo confiable. Hay suficiente. !Hay suficiente!

Mary Jo Leddy escribe:

La economía del amor de Dios no está basada en una ley de escasez sino que está enraizada en el misterio de la superabundancia. La decisión personal o política de declarar que no hay suficiente es el inicio de crueldad, guerra y violencia social en una insignificante gran escala. Por el otro lado, la elección de afirmar que hay suficiente para todos es el inicio de comunidad, paz y justicia social. La opción de asumir que hay suficiente libera la imaginación para pensar en nuevas posibilidades políticas y económicas.

 Cuando confiamos que hay suficiente y Dios es capaz de darnos todo lo que necesitamos aun en abundancia, vivimos con amor. Con generosidad. Con paz. Confiamos que hay suficiente pan para todos si solo podemos ver y abrazar esta verdad.

==Ejercicio de pan: Todos reflexionamos en lo que significa vida abundante para cada uno de nosotros en silencio. Yo sé que el silencio nos cuesta pero ponemos lo que aprendemos en Faithwalking en práctica ahorita para reflexionar individualmente. Toman un pedazo de pan mientras piensan… (cada persona tomó un pedazo de pan de un pan grande, y al final sobró un tercero. Después repartí el mismo tamaño de pan pero ya cortado en pedazos y algunas personas casi no recibieron nada).

No sabía si este ejercicio iba a funcionar o no, pero parece que sí. Y no estoy diciendo que no tenemos que ser buenos mayordomos. Pero siempre hay una tensión en la vida, y hoy nos enfocamos en la abundancia. Cuando nosotros decidimos cuánto podemos dar, cuánto Dios puede dar, repartimos todo según nuestros cálculos y a veces ajuste. A veces falta y a veces sobra, pero no sabemos y nos afanamos por tener el control. Al otro lado, si confiamos que en Dios hay suficiente y lo dejamos a él repartir, sobra. ¡Sobra! Hay suficiente. Cuando yo vivo con mis manos cerradas y reparto todo a mi estimación, me preocupo siempre, pero cuando vivo con las manos abiertas y reparto liberamente, sobra.

¿Realmente lo creemos? Cambiemos nuestra mentalidad de escasez a una de abundancia. Digamos que creemos la Biblia. Creemos que Dios tiene el ganado de cien pastos, como dice Salmo 50:10. Creemos cuando Jesús nos reta en Lucas 6:38 diciendo: “Den y se les dará: se les echará en el regazo una llena, apretada, sacudida y desbordante. Porque en la medida que midan a otros, se les medirá a ustedes.” Vivimos con abundancia, descansando y confiando en el Señor que hay suficiente. Suficiente dinero para el presupuesto… suficiente tiempo para el horario… suficiente gracia cuando tenemos que decir “no” y reconocer que alguien más tiene que reponer nuestro esfuerzo. Dice Juan 10:10 que el ladrón sólo viene para robar, matar y destruir… Buscando en el contexto lo que Jesús quiere decir con vida abundante, vemos el contraste. Jesús nos regala… no roba; nos resucita… no mata; nos edifica… no destruye. Tenemos vida abundante cuando le seguimos a él, nuestro buen pastor. Él es la puerta, las ovejas le reconocen su voz y le siguen. Esa es la vida en abundancia.

Cerramos con Salmo 145:14-21 (DHH)… Abre las manos. Sacia lo que necesitan los seres vivos. Cumple con los deseos del corazón. Vivamos con una mentalidad de la vida de abundancia.

[Esta es una reflexión que di en Centro Nehemías durante el tiempo devocional el lunes 21 de septiembre.]