Last Official Day

Today, December 12, 2014, is officially my last day in the Cohort of Missioners. Guissell and I told Roberto we would not being doing any more work for him as Caminantes after 12 pm today.

Guissell and I this past week at her birthday party with our Nica friends

This past week, we have engaged in evaluations of the program, our work, personal reflections, and goodbye parties. It has been a time of critique, thanksgiving, surrendering, and celebrating. I'm thankful for my year in Nicaragua as a Caminante. There were ups and downs, struggles and victories, things to learn and things to teach... Thinking about life here when I entered the year and what it is now, there have been a lot of changes. I have forgotten some of my original ideals, but I have also grown in many ways.

The Caminantes: Adrianna, Mark, Guissell

I learned a lot. Originally I thought this would be an opportunity to learn more about how to BE than about what to DO. During the course of the year, I think I lost that focus. Nonetheless, being a Caminante has shaped who I am. It has taught me how to be and how not to be as well as giving me an answer for what to do.

Creative expression during a quiet time on our trip to Guatemala

I'm glad that I got a chance to return to Nicaragua. It was a dream come true, and I did not expect God to give me an answer to my prayers in a such a full way when I dredged up a goal for myself two years ago and "return to Nicaragua" surfaced. I have learned so much about myself, about working overseas, about Central America...

A mural imitating the Last Supper with the faces of martyrs in El Salvador at a Christian Base Community

Working in community development and church partnerships, I got to see a lot of different communities and learn a lot of ways people are trying to change their neighborhoods. For example, you see a lot of garbage in the streets of Nicaragua because people throw it wherever they want, and so others in the communities organize cleaning brigades. Developed, organized neighborhoods are often cleaner.

El Ojoche, a model community now for development strategies, has monthly cleaning days

I really like Nicaraguan food, especially gallo pinto, which is rice and beans stir-fried together, with a hot, fresh corn tortilla and salty white cheese. You can find this simple, filling meal in all sorts of street eateries and in most common houses. People walk up and down the streets, calling out that they are selling tortillas, vegetables, cooked beans, cheese, or whatever else. It's a game to understand what they are saying. Each vendor has a unique call.

Typical meal with gallo pinto and a taco with cabbage salad

When I leave Nicaragua, I will miss how simple it is to leave my house, get something to nibble, and sit in Central Park to watch the people go by. I enjoy my city of León, but I also like traveling to other parts of Nicaragua. It's really hot in León so I would often go three hours south to Diriamba to spend weekends with friends or my aunt and uncle on the farm. It is cooler in Diriamba, and there is more wind.

My friend, Marg, and I in Diriamba sharing our birthdays with Baked Alaska cake

As part of the Cohort of Missioners (Caminantes), I made some really good friends, especially my housemates, Guissell and Kelsey. Guissell and I had a connection from the beginning of my time in Nicaragua, and we were fellow Caminantes. Together we got to travel to Guatemala and El Salvador to see the context of other Cohort groups. We also worked on recommendations and policies for the future - along with Mark, the first participant in Nicaragua. As a special goodbye trip, Guissell and I got to go to Corn Island, off the coast of Nicaragua in the Caribbean Sea.

Kelsey, Adrianna, and Guissell on a roommate date

My favorite part of service in Nicaragua was working with pastors of different denominations and seeing them work together. I got to see this a little with ETU because there are leaders from various churches who work in neighborhoods with local leaders, but I saw it most clearly in church partnerships. Three pastoral couples in León started meeting regularly to share and pray for each other because they realized their partnership was not only with a church in Canada, but also with each other. Five churches in Chinandega planned activities together for their sister-church's visit from the US. My favorite moments come when they are talking and laughing together, being themselves with each other, before the Lord.

The pastors in León hanging out after a meeting together

How has Nicaragua been? Unforgettable. Life-shaping. An answer to prayer. A lesson I will continue to learn...

Rare gifts of Non-Sight

When Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden before the fall of humanity, they enjoyed full fellowship with each other, God, and the creation. They were not torn apart by petty arguments, jealousies, or fears. They walked with God. They worked contentedly in the garden. They were naked and they were not ashamed.

The tree that is in my own garden

But when they decided they knew more than God and wanted to do things their way, things changed.

At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves. (Genesis 3:7 New Living Translation)

Just before this moment, they were sharing things. Eve gave the forbidden fruit to Adam. They were open. Suddenly, they saw things differently, and they needed to cover themselves. Barriers, masks, evasion tactics.

Lobster crates waiting to work on Corn Island

Then God shows up, looking for them. First they hide, then they blame. More actions that alienate, that send others away, that break relationships. And they have to suffer the consequences. God tells them they will struggle in their work, in their families, in their relation to the creation, and they have to leave the place of his presence. They have chosen to go it alone, to distrust in a relationship of openness, to see things as good and evil.

Christmas decorations on Corn Island

We have continued to suffer the consequences ever since. Brokenness in the world results from our broken relationships. We are not at peace with each other, with God, with ourselves, or with the creation.


However, the Kingdom of God is coming, and is already here but not yet fully here. Sometimes we get glimpses of restored goodness. There are weddings and lifelong commitments to choose one person and say no to all the other options. There are towns where people plant trees and pick up garbage and walk instead of driving cars. There are people who have chosen to surrender to God and open the present of life he has for them. There are sinners who have chosen to forgive themselves, victims who choose to love their enemies, perpetrators who have repented. Restoration. Reconciliation. New perspectives.

Sometimes, as a signal of the Kingdom, God has given me the rare gift of non-sight. A connection with other people where I experience what unconditional love feels like. Thankfully, wonderfully, this has been happening more often as I get older. I share a connection with certain people that makes no sense. I hardly know them, and I love them. I have no basis for trust, yet I raise no barriers. Even after I know them, I accept them as they are without judgment or masks.

The Gigantonas wear a lot of masks and barriers as kids dance under the covering

I call it non-sight because 1) it would be awkward to call it "nakedness" and 2) I think of it as the gift of not seeing what's on the surface. I'm not thinking about the other people's experiences, their clothes, their personality. I'm just enjoying their essence. Bear with me. I'm not trying to be New Age, but I think this has a biblical basis considering the account of the fall. They were naked and unashamed, in fellowship. God lets us love others unconditionally when we stop hanging onto all the little things and appreciate them for who they are. The book the Shack, if I remember correctly, portrays people in heaven as blazes of light who exude joy, and they are familiar to us. That's the sort of connection God gifts me sometimes.

Connections with friends on our Cohort goodbye trip, left to right: Guissell and Kelsey, Adrianna and Dirk front

I have received this gift of connection twice in the past year. As I have been reflecting on my time in the Cohort of Missioners, I have been in awe of the way I entered this program. I came in January, joining a group of people that had been formed since September. I immediately loved them, connected with them, talked with them about the depths of my heart and how our experiences were affecting us. Guissell and I have talked about the mystery of our friendship. She usually takes a long time to warm up to people, and we were friends right away without awkwardness or evasion. With Mark, the other participant who has already left the program, I prayed and talked and laughed within the first month. The Tans were our guides, always available with open arms to give us what we needed. Relationships without barriers or distrust or evasion.

Recently, on the trip Cohort trip to El Salvador, I received the gift again. Despite the heartache and despair I witnessed and experienced, I also got to sit back and watch a group of 10 people interact. Some of them I knew very well, some I had met before, and some where complete strangers. However, I caught myself many times just grinning silly watching them talk, joke, lament (okay, I wasn't grinning while we lamented - but I still appreciated it) because I really enjoyed them. And I hardly knew them!

God must feel the same way about us - just enjoying us being us. And we are known very well by Jesus. I think this is why these gifts of unconditional love for others are precious but rare. We rarely take off our masks, leave down our barriers, enjoy others as they are. More often, we nitpick about their personality traits, analyze their words and actions for ulterior motives, balance them on the scales of worthiness. When we get the opportunity to accept, enjoy, and love them no matter what, that is a sign of full relationship, like in the Garden of Eden. Unconditional love is what lets us continue to enjoy them even after we get to know them better. I hope God continues to give me eyes to see what he sees, not seeing all the things I normally do but enjoying the blaze of light that is another person.

Guissell, Kelsey, Adrianna, and Dirk enjoying ourselves on our trip together

Simple escapes

This week, we begin the goodbye process as the Caminantes in Nicaragua. Guissell and I are finishing our time here. Last projects are being completed, policies have been revised and proofread, new participants may be on their way. Today we get the chance to look back on the year (year and a half for Guissell) to talk about the good and the bad.

Then, as a special treat, we get a goodbye trip. I haven't really told very many people where we are going. It is unusual for me not to divulge lots of details about my plans, but for some reason, I have not been telling everyone I am going to Corn Island on the east coast of Nicaragua. I don't want them to jump to conclusions or think I am living in an excess of luxury. Corn Island is a place that is not accessible to everyone. That's why Guissell chose it as our destination - she probably won't have another opportunity to go there outside of the program.

I am really excited. I have heard good things about the island, and many people have recommended the trip to me. It will be good to have a retreat time where we can reflect on the year, enjoy the beach, and relax. We have been reading about the island, planning. We have two special guests accompanying us (our other housemate and my brother), and we are looking forward to hanging out together to enjoy the beach, snorkeling, a new part of the world, and time to relax.

But like I said, part of me doesn't want to tell anyone. I think this is related to my trip to El Salvador and my questions about how I live simply as a person of privilege. Guilt, questions, healthy reflection. I think I'm going through a mix of all of it.

Then this morning in my devotions, I read a chapter in Richard Foster's book, Celebration of Discipline about simplicity. The heart of simplicity is to seek FIRST the kingdom of God. Salvation does not come from things, nor the lack of things. Simplicity is an attitude that receives things as a gift, expects things to be cared for by God, and makes them available to others (Foster, "Simplicity" p. 88). Emphasizing the need to seek the Kingdom FIRST, not the myriad of justice issues that plague us, he quotes Kierkegaard:

Then in  a certain sense it is nothing I shall do. yes, certainly, in a certain sense it is nothing, become nothing before God, learn to keep silent; in this silence is the beginning, which is, first to seek God's Kingdom.

Thinking about an island getaway, it seems to me that I can look at it in this simple way. My first job is not to fix the wealth problems of the world, to feel guilty for the sins of my ancestors as well as my present generation, or to justify every choice I make. Seek the Kingdom FIRST.

I can receive a good gift like a trip to Corn Island as a lavish outpouring of God's love. It does not come from me. I do not deserve it. But God has chosen to bless me with it. My attitude matters more not in what I do or where I go, but how I receive these gifts and whether or not I am willing to seek God's kingdom FIRST in all things. So I am trying to change my attitude. I hope this trip for reflection and celebration will teach me even more how to become nothing before God, and in the silence, to seek his kingdom first.

November Newsletter

The One who calls you is faithful, and He will do it. ~1 Thess. 5:24 Rhythms of Life: Finding my place again and again. Since August, I have been in transition. The Nehemiah Center offered me a full-time position as an "intercultural facilitator" on the Ezra Team as a partner missionary. I have been concentrating on finishing my time as a Caminante in the Cohort of Missioners well. This means writing policies for the Cohort in Nicaragua, fulfilling my duties with the community development program, and continuing to be a bridge for communication with the partnerships that churches in North America and Nicaragua have. In September, I went to North America for a month to visit churches, family, and friends in order to raise support as well as spend time with loved ones. Since my return to Nicaragua in October, I have been transitioning into more responsibilities related to my new position. This includes finding service opportunities for teams that come to Nicaragua, more contact in church partnerships, and coordination of the IMPACT clubs in Nicaragua. Because I will be here longer, the Nehemiah Center has also included me in its evaluation process, so I have been involved in meetings regarding the broader vision for Nicaragua in the next five years. By December 19, there will be no more meetings or commitments for the Nehemiah Center until January 5. I can hardly believe my time in the Cohort is almost done because I feel like I am just starting to figure out what I do! However, I am also beginning to learn that life is a constant process of exploring my place in God's kingdom and what he expects from me where I am. This picture marks a milestone! When this document is finished, Guissell and I will have completed writing policies for future Caminantes in Nicaragua. The Rhythms of Life document is a recommendation for healthy habits for future participants in the Cohort of Missioners regarding work, worship, rest, play, and living situations. We have completed a participant profile for in Spanish to be used for recruiting Nicaraguans or other Central Americans, and we only need to do the final proof-reading to complete all our policy-writing. We both feel relieved and glad to complete our assigned tasks even though it was a long process! My housemates and other friends are excited for Thanksgiving dinner! Please and Thank You I have been so grateful for the support (emotionally, financially, spiritually) that I receive from so many people! Please pray that God will continue to protect me, give me health, and provide for my financial needs as a partner missionary My brother Dirk has been in Nicaragua since the beginning of November for an informal agriculture internship (staying with my uncle at La Semilla ministries). I am so glad to have him nearby, and I am especially thankful he will be here for Christmas! However, my parents will not be, so pray for me to enjoy the experience of Christmas in Nicaragua rather than miss them terribly on our first Christmas apart Mosquitoes are out in droves, and they bring nasty diseases like chikungunya, dengue, and malaria. Others around me have gotten sick, and I'm thankful that I have not yet We had a great Thanksgiving dinner with many from the missionary community in León, and I am grateful for the fellowship and delicious food! Please pray for my transition to the new position because things are quite ambiguous and blurry, and I have a hard time saying "no"  I'm thankful for God speaking to me and teaching me new things through these experiences - both the good and the bad Pictured above is my IMPACT club from Nuevo Horizonte. Well, sort of. This was the group for my "goodbye" party before I went to North America for the month of September, and nearly everyone came to my house for supper. While I was gone, another leader met with a few for Bible studies, but very few came consistently. In the two months since my return, we have continued to struggle with attendance. Though we were poised to actually start working on the community service project the guys came up with, the majority suddenly dropped out. We can only guess why because no one has expressed direct discontent with the program. Another leader, Trinidad (seated in a pink shirt above), and I have been meeting with the 2-4 youth who continue to come each week, and we have visited the others to invite them to meetings and offer their suggestions for change. Due to this set-back with our club, I have been emailing with folks in Romania and other Central American countries to find out how to motivate the youth to be involved again, and I have been encouraged by their experiences and advice. We continue to invite the neighborhood and look for new strategies to engage this group of young people. Hopefully we can find a good balance between exciting and sustainable soon so we can be a positive influence for these youth. Housemates Kelsey, Guissell, Kelly, and me in Central Park, Leon In addition to writing policies, helping with trainings and follow-up for ETU, and communicating among churches, I got to participate in an intensive learning trip as part of the Cohort of Missioners in mid-November. All the active Central American countries sent their participants to El Salvador to learn about the history and ministry context of the cohort there. It was a great chance to meet other participants in the Cohort and discuss our challenges and joys while serving in Central America. As a group we lamented the injustice and oppression that has occurred in El Salvador and the violence that continues to plague this small country. We took time to sit with our sadness and express it to God. Now we have all returned to our own countries with more desire to serve and participate in the mission of God as the Kingdom advances, bringing justice and joy with it - and we have more friends with whom to share the journey! Up and Coming December 4-7, 11: A three-part evaluation including a day of de-briefing with our leadership team, a celebratory/reflective trip for Guissell and me to Corn Island, and a final goodbye party to celebrate our time together December 12: Deadlines for plans and reports because Nehemiah Center closes (and Kelsey and Guissell leave) January 5: Nehemiah Center re-opens and I'm officially a partner missionary January 6-14: two teams from Pella, IA related to partnership will be in Chinandega, which means A LOT of work between now and then, but in a good way Many of my prayers and thoughts are directed toward my support-raising efforts. When I went to North America in September, I was able to share about my ministry at the Nehemiah Center in partnerships and IMPACT clubs - among other things - with many individuals and churches. I am very thankful for the support that has come in already. My sending church, First CRC DeMotte, has been very supportive and generous, but I do not have commitments from any other churches at this point. Many generous individuals are partnering with me, and I am glad to be a part of a great team for prayer and finances. As you can see from the graph above, I still have a ways to go before January when I become a partner missionary. Christian Reformed World Missions bases their budget goals on a fiscal year from July to June, so I only need half in order to begin in January. However, each year I need just under $33,000 to cover living expenses in Nicaragua, taxes, health insurance, travel expenses, retirement, etc. I also need people to commit to praying for me and to caring for me through cards, notes, and visits. Many of you who receive these newsletters already support me, and I want to say THANK YOU. I could not be here without you, and I believe God is using all of us to promote justice, love others, and demonstrate a changed way of life. Donate Now New to my mailing list? Welcome to the team! You can catch up on newsletters and thoughts about life in Nicaragua on my blog:adriannaoudman.blogspot.com To partner with me: Go to www.crwm.org/donate OR make out a  check to Christian Reformed World Missions, put WMLA 803904 in the memo line, and mail it to  CRWM USA 1700 28th St. SE, Grand Rapids, MI 49508 unsubscribe from this list update subscription preferences To contact me: Adrianna Oudman c/o Nehemiah Center Apartado Postal 1076 Managua, Nicaragua Email: adrianna.oudman@gmail.com Blog: adriannaoudman@blogspot.com

Eucharisteo

It's that time of year again, when everyone is talking about giving thanks because the US holiday of Thanksgiving is upon us. I named my blog in Greek just so that it wouldn't look so cliché. Actually, I've just finished reading Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts, and it was all about giving thanks as a way of finding our way into God's presence, into the joy that he offers. So Thanksgiving's arrival is well-timed in the scheme of my life.

Giving thanks is the life saver that keeps us afloat. When I feel like I'm drowning in the problems of life, in my uncertainties, in all the injustice around me, giving thanks is the only way to pull out of the nose-dive. It's like my mom's favorite song as I was growing up:

When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed,When you are discouraged thinking all is lost,Count your many blessings, name them one by one,And it will surprise you what the Lord has done...

So I thought I would share some thanks with you.

• I have been feeling discouraged lately, but I think I am on the upswing. I give God thanks for whacking me over the head with the same message in different forms until I came face to face with the decision to trust or not. Thankfully, I'm choosing to trust.
• I'm thankful for conversations with my mother, especially when she can get right to the heart of the matter in things I've been struggling to articulate. She points out things about my life and my heart that nobody else says to me, and she speaks life-giving words of truth to me.
• I'm thankful that my father never treated me like an inferior being because I'm a girl. Instead, he told me to work hard, to carry doors, to nail baseboard, to speak Spanish with the guys on the job. Because of him, I feel a certain pride about who I am and my abilities to take care of myself
• I'm thankful for my brother, who squeezes the breath out of me and practically lifts me off my feet every time I see him after an extended absence. His jokes and annoying presence make me smile silly even on my worst days. His passion and questions inspire me to be someone he can look up to.
• Despite awkward moments and interminable waiting, I'm thankful for invitations to youth events and the opportunity to get to know other young people in Nicaragua. I recently went to a youth conference, and though I didn't make any instant friends, I talked to some new people. And the next time I see them, it will be easier.
• I'm thankful that I am bilingual because my understanding of the world has doubled, grown richer. Being bilingual also carries great responsibility, and I'm thankful to be counted worthy most days.
• I'm thankful for my housemates who take care of me, scold me, support me. They dance with me, laugh with me, swear with me, clean with me, watch Netflix programs with me. Basically, they share life with me, and I'm better because of it.
• I'm thankful for people who want to support me in my ministry in Nicaragua, or whatever else God calls me to do. Lots of people encourage me to follow God's will in my life, and they ask questions, pray, write notes, and send money to show that they have my back.
• I'm thankful for facebook chat and emails so that I can keep in touch with people despite living far away from them, be it new Cohort friends, acquaintances across town, old college friends, or family I haven't seen in months.

I could go on and on naming things. I'm thankful for the way light slants off our tree in the morning, or the clouds puff with glory just before a rain. I'm thankful for showers and flushing toilets and planes that make travel much easier. I'm thankful for health, for work, for fun. Mostly, I'm thankful for the way God reminds me of his love for me. I bless the Lord for his friendship to me. He has saved me, and he has given me a full life. In all the ups and downs, the Spirit is my constant companion. I'm thankful that I can be honest with God, and that he speaks to me where I am, with what I need to remember. Bless the Lord, oh my soul. Yes, the Lord has done great things, and I remain surprised by all the goodness I forget to see.

Budget Bites

There's only a little over a month to go until I become a partner missionary with the Nehemiah Center in Nicaragua! It's hard to believe that nearly a year has passed since I came to Nicaragua as part of the Cohort of Missioners. It has been a challenging year, and I think the coming one will be too as we grow through different changes at the Nehemiah Center as an organization. However, I also think it will be a good year, just as the past one has been. The Cohort of Missioners from all of the Central American countries recently had an "intensive" trip to El Salvador where we learned about the history and context of El Salvador as well as got to know each other as a group. It was good to reflect on what I have learned this past year and what I expect to do in the future. Though I returned from El Salvador wondering about my place in Nicaragua and what I am doing to further justice in the world, many wise people have been reminding me that these things take time. People in Central America don't trust someone right away, and I need to be patient as I seek to find ways to bring change - to my own heart and to others.

There is progress. People at my church know my name and greet me enthusiastically. My homemade chocolate-chip cookies were a big hit at the last street festival we hosted as a fundraiser. This weekend I've been invited to participate in a youth retreat by the woman who leads IMPACT club with me in the community of Nuevo Horizonte. The youth in the IMPACT club often ask me questions, and though I bumble my way through my perspective on an answer, at least they trust me enough to ask... My supervisors at the Nehemiah Center tell me that I have the closest relationship with several pastors who have been part of the network for years, but with whom I have been visiting regularly in the past few months. As we evaluate the Nehemiah Center and seek to gather around a city vision and God's kingdom, my presence will be important as a relational anchor among the people present. These small indicators remind me that my work is important, and God wants me to be here now.

How can you help? As many of you know, I went to North America for the month of September to talk with churches and individuals about what the Nehemiah Center does in Nicaragua, and how they want me to participate in their work. Though the Nehemiah Center pays me a small monthly stipend, I need to raise a majority of my funds. With taxes, healthcare, retirement, savings, and cost of living, I have calculated a yearly budget of approximately $33,000. Thus far, there is $9,000 in the account for my ministry. I am especially hoping for monthly donations since I will be paid on a monthly basis, but anything is welcome.

However, these abstract numbers don't tell you much about life here. Let me break some things down for you:
$2/month = garbage pickup fees
$4/month = guard who bikes around our neighborhood
$5/month = transportation costs to monthly Ezra Team meetings in Managua
$6/month = water bill at my house
$10/month = bicycle maintenance costs
$20/month = office supplies for work in the communities
$25/month = annual Christian Reformed Church of North America spiritual retreat
$42/month = internet bill at my house
$50/month = training, conferences, and visits to other ministry sites
$75/month = all public transportation costs
$100/month = medical expenses with insurance and doctor visits
$150/month = food for me and guests (like community leaders and pastors who come over for lunch or spending the night)
$350/month = rent for the house

As you can see, it's not too expensive to live in Nicaragua. The expensive parts are traveling to and from North America, paying taxes, responsibly saving for the future. Let's face it. I think I'm in this for the long haul, and I want my choices to reflect that commitment. I hope that you will join me prayerfully and financially in this endeavor. I was reminded in El Salvador that the most important thing is to gather around the Kingdom of God, not some ideal or model of development or the next best thing. If we each focus on being obedient to Christ and what He asks of us to further the work of God in the world, we will each fulfill our purpose.

It Burns

I just spent a week in El Salvador as part of a Cohort of Missioners intensive trip. We had participants from Honduras, Costa Rica, Nicaragua, and El Salvador with special guests from InnerCHANGE in Guatemala. It was my first time in El Salvador, and it was wonderful and terrible, all at once.

The ceiling of the cathedral in San Salvador, which captured me and inspired worship

We learned about the history and context of El Salvador, mostly. Semillas de la Nueva Creación is the hosting organization for the Cohort in El Salvador, and we interacted a bit with their staff. However, most of the trip was spent learning and consequently lamenting.

The city of San Salvador at dusk from La Puerta del Diablo near the Planes de Rendero

Lamenting because the history of this tiny country is filled with injustice and oppression. Lamenting because the US contributed through funding and training to much of the armed conflict and massacres that occurred over a period of 50 years from the 1930s to the 1980s, but mostly concentrated in a civil war during the 1980s. Lamenting because in 1980 Archbishop Oscar Romero was martyred for speaking out on behalf of the poor and exhorting the soldiers to stop killing civilians. Lamenting because in 1981, one thousand civilians - children, women, men - who were in the guerrilla zone were massacred in a town called El Mozote. Lamenting because in 1989 five Jesuit priests and two women were killed for teaching principles of liberation theology and freedom for the oppressed. Lamenting because many of the atrocities of these times have gone unpunished, unspoken, and unacknowledged. Lamenting because the voices of the poor and downtrodden continue to be drowned out by modern consumerism, by big politics, by hunger for power.

The tomb of Oscar Romero beneath the cathedral in San Salvador

Lamenting because I feel like I am doing little to alleviate the pain of the world and participate in the Kingdom of God. It burns within me, this desire to do something to put things right. It's beyond awareness. Now that I know of places where massacres occurred, where soldiers were trained by my country and subsequently went out to kill the innocent, where gangs and government continue to oppress and terrorize the people, I feel a responsibility to do something. Yet I don't know what that is. So I feel agitated, searching for something to do to put things right.

I participated in my first procession as part of the vigil for the Jesuit martyrs at the UCA university

Maybe that's right where I need to be. Maybe it's like what Jesus felt for most of his time here on earth. Maybe it's this sort of zeal that led him to chase the money changers out of the temple. Maybe if I listen carefully, I will hear the call of the Spirit. Maybe it's this burning within me that pushes me forward to act.

Gathered around the art that expresses pain in a Christian base community 

It has pushed others onward, this Spirit of fire and justice. Christian base communities teach values and love to communities as everyone from young to old gets involved in the lives of their neighbors. Families of the massacred have moved back to El Mozote and have erected a monument, committed to telling their story and also to forgiving their enemies. Churches are opening their minds and doors to the marginalized and outcast, seeking to gather around the Kingdom of God.

The church ELIM, which has been changing significantly in the past few years to share the Gospel in an integral way

There are glimmers of hope in this sad story. They are teaching me not to despair. They are teaching me how to gather with others around the Kingdom of God and His movements. To live with open hands. To live always doing justice, loving mercy, and walking humbly with God. What better way to learn humility than to feel helpless? What better way to do justice than to feel it burning within me and not find rest? May the Kingdom of God come among us.

The memorial and tombs for those massacred at El Mozote

Walls

I was all set to write a blog tonight about being busy but not productive (my life this past week) or even the hazards of living in a tropical climate where mosquitoes are rampant in the morning (here's a sneak peek: I love the smell of poison in the morning... Usually on a Sunday morning you hear the low hum of a motor mowing the grass, not a motor blowing gas. Instead of cutting lawns, León is in full mosquito elimination mode. With cases of malaria, dengue, and chikungunya in the western zone of Nicaragua, they fumigated in our house yesterday, and they drove through the streets spewing poisoned smoke from the back of a truck. Yup, I'm wearing mosquito repellent, but recently I've considered the need for a gas mask, too.) But then I saw Google's celebratory icon for the day. Today is the 25th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall.

I was in Berlin a year and a half ago, and I saw that wall. It was incredible. We saw where people were contained within a city, the supposed symbols of power that looked like desperate attempts to keep control, the artful expressions of protest.

 The radio tower in Berlin that the Eastern block raised in an attempt to compete with the west.

 I'm standing at Checkpoint Charlie, one of the openings in the wall where people could pass through for official business

The line of the Berlin wall, and my feet on either side of it!

 Pieces of the wall with dictator's faces painted on it.

 My Dutch brother and I in front of the wall that remains standing.

 A sniper tower that was used to shoot people who attempted to cross the wall.

 The Brandenburg Gate in Berlin

 We went to an exhibit that showed other walls around the world that have been built to keep one side separated from the other. It was a powerful reminder of the injustices that continue in this world.

 I took pictures of some of my favorite parts of the artwork on the remnants of the wall.

 Another favorite

Seeing the wall, and the beauty of it coming down, was something that inspired me. May the walls of language and culture, ethnicity and economy, religion and politics, continue to come down. Christ, through his death and resurrection, is breaking down the walls. I want to be part of it. Let's dance together to be free.

April Newsletter: Partnerships

Cohort of Missioners in Nicaragua : Caminantes en la Misión

The last newsletter I wrote introduced you a bit to Nicaragua and the community development program of the Nehemiah Center called ETU. Subsequently, my blog (adriannaoudman.blogspot.com) has introduced you to my fellow Cohort members Mark and Guissell, my Nicaraguan host family, and various other activities. I have completed three months in León, supposedly a quarter of my time here. In a variety of strains of thinking, such as Liberation Theology or Dialogue Education, the cycle of learning involves action, reflection, and then action again. Now is a time for reflection, I think. These past three months have begun to shape the remainder of this year, and it looks a lot like partnership. Collaboration among our members of the Cohort of Missioners within Nicaragua and in Central America; collaboration with other mission organizations; collaboration among Nicaraguan and North American churches; collaboration, collaboration, collaboration. This newsletter, I'd like to introduce you to some of these partnerships.

Brotherment (because there's no good word for a partnership of prayer and friendship among churches) In February a team came from a church in Hamilton, Ontario. This church has a partnership with three churches in León as well as two missionary families in Nicaragua (we're visiting a family in the pool picture to the right). Before the team came, I visited the León churches regularly, and then I accompanied the Canadian group for the week they were here. I helped with translating and logistics a little (I'm translating in the picture above-left), but mostly I was the constant presence for the Nicaraguans and Canadians. By the end of the week, they said I was part of the group. It was a demanding, fantastic week. I love working with churches and pastors. I love interpreting between Spanish and English. I love getting to spend a week with people who are seeking God's direction. Now I get to be involved in the prayerful, experimental adventure of a relationship between churches in Nicaragua and Canada as they write to each other, pray for each other, and try to involve each other in their worlds. The cross-cultural partnership among churches deserves celebration.

Please and Thank You -- Still no sickness, praise the Lord! --Thanks for work that I enjoy in church and community development and the opportunity to collaborate in new partnerships --Thank God for safety in traveling around Nicaragua and Guatemala --Thanks for a new family in León, the Bokmas, whom I really like. They are going to help with the Cohort after they finish language school --Ask God to help our Cohort as Mark begins to transition out, new short-term interns come for the summer, and the Bokmas transition into life in León --Ask for patience and humility as I receive more work. I need to let go of control even as I gain more responsibility as well as learn to delegate and choose carefully what to take on --Ask the Spirit to give me clear direction for the coming months as well as next year --Pray for some restful times in the Lord --We're still in the process of looking for a house. Ask the Father to provide the perfect place or show us that it's not a good idea Guatemala Cohort Visit Mark, Guissell, and I skipped the last two days of IMPACT training to fly to Guatemala for a week. The Cohort of Missioners is a network among El Salvador, Costa Rica, Guatemala, and Nicaragua. Currently Nicaragua and Guatemala are the only countries with participants. We went to visit Guatemala City and the program hosted by Center for Transforming Mission that has a similar pre-missionary, internship experience as we have at the Nehemiah Center . From Friday to Monday, we spent time with the Guatemalan Cohort members, visited ministries and churches, learned about history and culture, and interpreted our experiences through the lens of "city as classroom, parish, and playground," which is a major theological emphasis for the Guatemalans(above the Guatemalan coordinator, Joel, tells us Nicaraguan participants about history in the central park). We learned that what we do in Nicaragua is not so different from what they do in Guatemala. We are on the right track. We also learned more about how to understand what they do and how to pray for them. The visit to Guatemala reinforced our commitment to the Central American network. Mark, Guissell, and I also got the chance to spend three days sight-seeing in other parts of Guatemala, and we really enjoyed the trip. IMPACT Clubs On Monday, March 17, 31 participants entered the compound and did not leave until Saturday, March 22. No, we were not in jail. We were in a training session for a program called IMPACT Clubs (or Clubes de IMPACTO in Spanish). Exported from Romania by an organization called New Horizons Foundation, Nicaragua is hosting a pilot program for IMPACT. An IMPACT Club is a group of 10-20 youth who have an age range of approximately 5 years among them. They meet in schools, churches, community centers, or houses to play games, hear stories with a moral lesson, and work on service-learning projects. IMPACT focuses on empowering youth to think and act for themselves. The 2-4 leaders of the group facilitate discussions and debate by asking questions and encouraging the youth to reflect on their experiences and what they have learned. We hope to open an IMPACT Club in each of the communities where ETU is active, and in communities of certain partners of World Renew. The leadership of the IMPACT program in Nicaragua anticipates 13-15 clubs initially. I have been asked to be a local coach along with Roberto and Guissell. We have a lot to learn ourselves about IMPACT as well as how to guide the club leaders, but with God's help, we will do a good job overseeing the program. (In the picture above a group of participants is playing a game that teaches the importance of working together. It was during one of our practice sessions when my group was in charge of the session) Up and Coming --Spiritual Retreat from April 12-16 for the Christian Reformed Church contacts throughout Central America, hosted near Managua on the Pacific Ocean --Mobilizing and checking on IMPACT Clubs as a local coach --Arrival of 2 young men in a discipleship program who will be our shadows for the month of May, and a Dordt intern from May to July --A trip to the States May 6-12 for my brother's graduation ceremony at Dordt College --Linguistic/theological courses with Nicaraguan missionary candidates mobilized by Missionary Ventures International. We have been in conversation about how my gifts and experience can add to their program for preparing Nicaraguans to go overseas. We are also hoping some of the candidates become Cohort participants.

To partner with me: Go to www.crwm.org/donate OR make out a  check to Christian Reformed World Missions, put WMLA 803904 in the memo line, and mail it to  CRWM USA 1700 28th St. SE, Grand Rapids, MI 49508 unsubscribe from this list   update subscription preferences To contact me: Adrianna Oudman c/o Nehemiah Center Apartado Postal 1076 Managua, Nicaragua Email: adrianna.oudman@gmail.com Blog: adriannaoudman@blogspot.com