Hard Times

Last night, I really missed my Grampa. I was thinking about things that I have suffered in my life, and his death in March has played a huge role in my life this year. My cousin Taylor and I drove a 13 hour (one-way) road trip from Dordt to Ohio to visit Grampa in the hospital, thinking we might never see him again. I got to see him again when I went home for Spring break in March, and I was there when he died.

Grampa's death was the key motivating factor to me living with Gramma this summer. I realized that my idea to live with Grampa and Gramma "someday" wasn't actually much of a plan. Gramma needed someone, and neither of us are getting any younger. So I lived with her this summer and learned a whole new dimension of family.

I was thinking about Grampa because I was thinking about visiting hospitals and suffering. I visited my friend, Daniel, in the hospital last weekend. Well, it was a clinic, not a hospital, but it felt like a hospital. He had pneumonia and had gotten quite sick. So when we found out, some of us went and visited him, IV and all. I don't really know how to visit people when they're sick. The last time I had to was when I visited Grampa...

Daniel is on the mend, though, gracias a Dios. He came with us to the Museum of Legends and Myths today, and he is here with me at the internet cafe. Yes, I'm using a Cyber for the first time. Usually I just go to a coffee shop, buy coffee, and ask for their wireless internet password. But this method is much cheaper. I'll probably switch between the two.

Another reason I was thinking about Grampa is because I was thinking about suffering. Two nights ago, I had a really good conversation with my mamá and younger sister Juniette. They ended up telling me more about their lives and how they've come to live in the house. Mamá went through a lot of suffering. Sometimes she couldn't feed the girls, and she had to rely on God for her daily needs. When they asked me to tell my story, Grampa dying and the events related have probably been one of the hardest times in my life.

Grampa is also the person closest to me who has died. One of Juniette's best friends just died yesterday. She was hit by a truck, and her entrails, according to Juniette, were outside of her. The doctors operated three times, but at the end they couldn't put her together again. Her parents decided to take her off life support, and today Juniette is going to her friend's funeral.

There are times when life is just hard.

It feels a little cheap to smooth the rough edges of pain with comforting words about God. But after the pain subsides, I'm sure glad to find out He's been there the whole time, holding us in His arms.

Mountain Time

The trip to Matagalpa was great. I went there two years ago with Prof. Bajema, and I was surprised by how much I remembered. This place must have left a huge impression on me.

We drove from the Nehemiah Center on Tuesday morning in two Toyota Hilux trucks. I was in a truck with Alma (a Nicaraguan who works with CRC ministries and teams that come to visit), Evan, and the Hannahs. Alex, Daniel, and John went with Lester (a guy who works as a tourist guide but also does stuff for the Nehemiah Center). We drove north, had lunch in the city of Matagalpa, and drove farther north. We went to visit Acción Médica Cristiana in the El Tuma/La Dalia/Santa Luz area. They are an organization that trains farmers on the landbanks of La Esperanza, El Progreso, and Nueva Jerusalen, which have been purchased through funds from the Farmer 2 Farmer program. We spent our time at Nueva Jerusalen, which is about 2 years old. Tuesday afternoon we saw their community area: gathering place, kitchen, mess hall, bio-digester for gas. When we went to AMC’s headquarters to stay there for the night, we ate supper and hiked around the coffee plantation there. It was interesting to see coffee growing right on the bushes. We could touch it and know that it could potentially be in our coffee cups eventually.

Wednesday after breakfast we drove out to Nueva Jerusalen again. Thank the Lord that it hadn’t (and didn’t) rain those few days we were there because the road was difficult enough without being slippery and wet! We worked in the garden in the morning, digging holes and constructing table things to put vegetable tires on. Well, some of us worked, and some of us went around with Chipito and ate fresh oranges off the tree and had him explain the idea of the coffee machine/process they have, and then we worked after that. J After lunch we walked up through the forest area to a waterfall, and we swam in our clothes. It was fun!

We also visited two families each (in two groups), talked to them about their lives, and saw their land. Our second visit with Don Digno, we walked around his land, saw his crops, and sucked on sugar cane. The farmers were very open and excited to share their hopes with us. They all said they are happy to be on the land bank, working to pay off their own land, and providing for their families. I think it must be a very hard life because they are subsistence farmers, and I don’t know how they earn money to pay for things, but the Lord provides. Their joy and contentment amidst their worries was evident, and I am convinced that Farmer 2 Farmer, Acción Médica Cristiana, and the Lord are doing good work among these Nicaraguans, bringing them together in community and teaching them new things.

Wonderfully, I thought I was going to be cold the first night, but then Alma came to the rescue and got us blankets so I could take off a few layers of clothes.

This is Don Digno, a farmer we talked to in the afternoon. He was happy to show us his parcel of land (nearly 6 acres), teach us the names of plants, and give us sugar cane to suck on.

We worked hard in the morning, digging holes, hauling dirt, and pounding nails. Even the girls got to do some of it!

This is the waterfall we hiked to, and we swam at the bottom of it, in a little pool.

And our final product at the end of the morning - elevated flower beds!

New Session

¡Buenos días! ¡Mucho gusto! I have been meeting a lot of people here at the Nehemiah Center yesterday and today. We had our first day of class in Managua yesterday, and I really enjoyed it. A full 8 hours of class is a bit intense, but I like the content of the classes. Here’s what the day looks like:

6 am: get picked up by Roberto – either in microbus or camioneta

8 am: arrive at the Nehemiah Center, have devotions with the staff for an hour

9 am: start History and Culture of Nicaragua class with Joel Huyser and Alicia Hamming

12 pm: class ends, lunch time!

1 pm: start Worldview and Development class with Jim Padilla-DeBorst and Steve Holtrop, with lively discussions (hopefully) about how to make the world a better place, especially in Nicaragua

4 pm: get out of class

I assume that on normal days we will go back to León after 4, but yesterday we spent the night at the Nehemiah Center. That meant a huge amount of time with internet access! It was great. I got to call my parents, and I set up a Skype account. Granted, my computer doesn’t have a mic or web cam, but I can borrow my classmates’ stuff or I can buy something. I decided that I miss talking voice to voice with people. Although I don’t have consistent internet access, at least I have the option of using these things now. I’m also thankful for the gmail call option that’s available now – it’s free! And you know, being a cheap girl like I am, I always like free stuff.

Today we are going to Matagalpa. It’s a region in the mountains. We are going to visit landbanks and talk to people there. I am looking forward to it. I am a little nervous I will be cold. I accidentally brought along my sweatpants to Nicaragua, and I thought the only place I might use them would be in the mountains. But we didn’t know we were going to Matagalpa until we were in León yesterday, so my sweatpants are still in my dresser at my house in León… Rats! I will probably wear them sometime just on principle. But yesterday was a lot cooler in Managua, and we have our classes in the media room at the Nehemiah Center, which is air-conditioned, so I was almost cold! It was a wonderful feeling after weeks of sweating most of the time. J

So, life is good. I learned some tongue-twisters in Spanish from Don Antonio, one of the men here, today. It was fun. I am looking forward to spending time at the Nehemiah Center for classes. The people here are great: friendly, godly, supportive, committed. I’m glad to be here. The classes seem interesting, and they are already helping me get a better picture of people in Nicaragua and some of the things that confuse me about my host family. Lord willing, I will learn a lot and be able to witness to God’s transforming grace in my life to the people with whom I interact.

Prayer request: my church at home in Indiana has been going through a hard time. There have been a couple of shocking deaths, and I think the community is really hurting right now. I’m praying for them here, but I feel pretty disconnected. Ask God to wrap his arms around them. And for me, pray that I will have the words to speak and God’s love to show to the people here in Nicaragua.

School's out!

Today was our last day of Spanish classes. We started the Monday after we arrived, and we’ve had class for four hours a day since then – three weeks. We walk to Iglesia Filadelfia, where the pastor and his family graciously opened the second floor of the church for us to use. It was a bit rustic, but it was cool when the wind blew, and we could learn more about Nicaraguan life with a bird’s eye view.

I had an individual class with Professor Raúl. We studied the life, works, and literary movement of Rubén Darío, a native Nicaraguan. He lived in the late 1800s, early 1900s. The literary movement Modernismo thrived and died with him. He traveled a lot, and he wrote poems and short stories while being a diplomat and newspaper writer (periodista). I have really enjoyed learning more about Hispanic literature, especially this Nicaraguan author. He grew up in León, so there are monuments and things named after him all over the place. He is entombed in the cathedral in the plaza here, and I visited his house for a field trip.

I decided that it is really exciting to study in a place where the things I am studying actually took place. We get to go out and see the places we read about. The people here are very passionate about their heritage and history, so it is interesting to talk to them about different subjects. My host family does not always seem very well-informed, but they support my studies. Raúl says that I can participate in discussions about Rubén and his works now because I’ve learned about it. Perhaps he has more faith in me than he should, but the class has gone well. Instead of a final exam, I’m writing a research paper covering Modernism, how it began, Rubén Darío’s influence, and analyzing his principal books. It’s a beast. However, I have til Monday to finish it, and I can see the end of the tunnel. It’s calling my name, though, so I should work on it some more before I have a sleepover at Hannah Ponstein’s house tonight. Oh, the life of a student… J

We take two breaks during the class. Alex and Hannah Ponstein are relaxing in the window.

The other group I go to class with – the Hannahs and Alex – study on the other end.

This is the corner where Raúl and I discuss the literature and culture of Nicaragua.

A Healing Balm

Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

~ Psalm 139:4

God is so good! On Friday, I realized that I was feeling overwhelmed by life. I needed some down time, some peace and quiet. Well, I didn't get an empty house or a remote island, but I got a farm, and people to encourage me. Friday night my mamá asked me if it was easy for me to leave my family since I was used to it or if I missed them. As I told her, "a little of both" I started crying. I missed them especially on Friday, and a whole combination of things led to a (long-overdue and completely normal for me) crying spell. So she left me alone for a bit and I talked to God about how I was feeling. I realized that I haven't taken much time off. I have been going and going, and not just taking time off. Plus, life here in Nicaragua takes a lot of work. I have to plan everything more because it takes more time. Things like internet are not just right there at my fingertips. I walk a lot of places, so it takes time. And I'm always thinking about whether or not I'm saying the right things (grammar and content), dressing the right way, etc. It's a lot of mental pressure, I think. And I didn't realize these things until I realized I was feeling overwhelmed. So I prayed for some peace...

Saturday, I went with my family to the finca, the family "farm" just out of León. It was beautiful! It wasn't the middle of nowhere, but it was quieter, and I felt very peaceful there. I also got to meet more of my "family." Roberto is one of the people who helps us from the Nehemiah Center this semester, and he lives in León. He's actually my cousin through my host family. I got to go to his house with his brother, Mauricio, on a motorcycle. I love motorcycle rides! Even in Nicaragua, when I was a bit more nervous because people here drive crazy! I really like talking to Roberto, and I get along well with him and Mauricio. I got to see wedding pictures and all sorts of things.

My family was worried that I was bored at the finca, but it was a balm to my frayed nerves. Even though I wasn't all by myself, I had peace and quiet. The church service we'd been planning on going to was cancelled because of rain, so we spent the whole day at the finca, rain and all. When we got home, I went to bed.

On Sunday I went with Roberto and another student, Alex, to Poneloya. Alex played baseball with a group there, and I spent the day with Roberto, his pastor friend Rodrigo, and Alex. I also met a girl from North Carolina who married a Nicaraguan. It was nice to make new friends. We went to an island at Poneloya where Rodrigo's wife works, and it was a beautiful place.

So even if it wasn't exactly what I craved on Friday, the weekend was a great experience. It was relaxing and peaceful. I got to spend time with people who make me feel comfortable and accepted for who I am. Because Roberto works at the Nehemiah Center, he has a bigger worldview than many Nicaraguans here, so I feel closer to him in our theological perspectives, too. God definitely answered my prayers and fulfilled my needs this weekend. Praises are unceasing.

The finca in the rain... So many fruit trees and exotic plants - but they belong here! It was gorgeous.

From vine, to mature, to glass - the journey of granadilla, a fruit that makes a great "fresco" with little seeds in it.

I miss my bike - so I got to take a little tour around the finca on the bike there. :) Good times.

Pictures of Life

Here are some pictures from Nicaragua!

Our group at the beach of Poneloya from left: Alex, Daniel, John, Hannah C, Evan, and Hannah P next to me in the front.

At a beauty pageant at UNAN the contestants needed to make their own outfit that represented something important to Nicaragua.

Our patio at my host family's house - with my freshly washed clothes hanging up! :)

Me washing clothes in the lavadero.

My first Sunday here was my "nephew" Alejandro's birthday, and we took pictures at the church. They sang to him during the service, but it's a small church with only 40ish people. The girl is a "cousin" who was actually named after one of the Dordt students last year - Genesis Nadji.

Solitude

Life in Nicaragua has been good lately, but busy. I have had class in the morning this week. When I get home around 1:30, I eat lunch and do homework. One day I washed my clothes. This may not sound like a great act, but washing clothes in Nicaragua means I haul my laundry out to the lavadero/pila (a big concrete sink thing with water in the middle and two shallow areas that drain on the sides), wet it, soap it, scrub it by hand, rinse it, squeeze it out, and hang it on the line in the courtyard. I actually like doing it, but it's quite time-consuming.

My homework usually consists of reading books by or about Ruben Dario, one of Nicaragua's famous poets. He was actually a journalist, embassador, etc (he had a lot of different titles in his life) as well as the principal figure of the literary movement Modernismo. I have been reading his poems and short stories. This weekend I get to read his thoughts about Nicaragua after he returned for a visit after being in Europe a long time. As a visitor to Nicaragua, I like reading what he appreciated and disliked about his home country.

Last night I went to a beauty pageant sort of thing at the university of Leon (UNAN). The candidates wore traditional dresses, then a costume they made representing something important to Nicaragua (ocean, corn, sun), and finally evening dresses. Between times there were groups that danced and a lot of shouting from the students who were there. After we left the auditorium, my sisters and I had trouble hearing!

This weekend I'm going to the family farm with my mama, then church in the afternoon. Sunday I'm going to the beach for a church service with a pastor who ministers to the youth in Poneloya through sports. After the service I'll watch one of my fellow students, Alex, play baseball.

In the midst of all the busyness, I'm feeling a bit revuelto - scrambled. I think perhaps I need to have some quiet time, but it's hard to find quiet time because there's always someone at my house. I don't like just sitting in my room because 1) it's hot, 2) I can still hear everything because the house is pretty open, 3) I feel like I'm missing things. I'm finding it hard to balance life here in Nicaragua: family and friends, homework and free time, etc. Please pray that I'll be able to decide what things I need to do. I would love to have some alone time, as well, but at this point I don't see how that would be possible because someone is always around me - in the house, in public, when we go out as friends...

Don't get me wrong - I like the things I'm doing. I just feel tired and frazzled today, and I don't know how to make it better. I know that things will change, and with some sleep tonight I'll probably feel better about life. However, I also know that I have a tendency to put other people and their wishes ahead of what's best for me and my relationship with God. Pray for me to be firm about my priorities. Thanks.

Meal Time

Usually the hardest thing to get used to when living in a new place is the food, and Nicaragua is no exception. So far, I have liked most of the food. However, it is completely different from what I eat in the States. Typical meals include rice and tortillas with everything. There are a lot of eggs, some meat (fried chicken, sauteed beef), and cheese. I have eaten some typical foods like nacatamal (a special dish with barbecued pork and corn mash cooked in a banana leaf) and fish soup. Their soup has huge chunks of stuff in it, though - like meat, casava, platanos, etc. You need a fork to eat it! Yesterday my mama and I cooked flan together (with instant mix, not from scratch), and it turned out well!

Although I like the food pretty well, my family usually gives me way more than I can eat comfortably. Meal time is a struggle: me against the food, who will win? Can I eat it all? Ironically, in the second poorest country in the Western hemisphere, my friends and I have been trying to come up with ways to avoid eating so much. I mean no disrespect, but the amount of food we are expected to eat here is one of my biggest struggles. That said, the past few days have been better. I think it's a combination of me getting more of an appetite as I get accustomed to the place and the heat as well as the influence of my comments to my Nicaraguan sisters that I don't understand how they can eat so much all the time!

With these improvements in mind, my Hannah friends and I have been joking about ways we can creatively avoid eating. I thought it might be humorous to share a few:

The classic: let the pets have a few bites

The effective: tell them you don't feel good and they let you skip a meal or eat way less

The sneaky: take some of your food with you when you need to leave for class or something, and give it to one of the Dordt boys with a ravenous appetite

The honest: admit you can't eat it all and save it for a mysterious, undetermined "later"

The homemaker: eat when no one else is around and put half of your plate back in the pot

The busy: schedule meetings close to meal times so that you can say you’ve already eaten (preferably the meeting should have something edible there)

The family-oriented: give food to your siblings or little kids running around the house

Thankfully, I no longer have to implement these strategies, but some day they might come in handy for your travels! J

And yes, the plate in the picture is something I ate last weekend at the beach, but I had to have someone else turn it over for me because I couldn't touch the fish head!

Immersion

Being in a foreign culture, I´ve decided, is a lot like jumping off a diving board into a pool. At first, it is amazingly refreshing. The water caresses your skin and you feel alive. Pretty soon, you realize you can’t breathe and you want out. But, if you´re in the middle of swimming lessons, they don´t let you out. Then you get mad at everything. The water, the swim instructors, yourself, etc. I’m not a swimmer, but I think that the idea is that you finally get accustomed to the water, get in the zone, and fit.

This idea goes along with a seminar I heard at the Nehemiah Center last Saturday, the 28^th of August. Mark and Nancy V, who work with CRWM at the Nehemiah Center, talked about the stages of transition. First comes fun = the honeymoon stage. Then, flight and all its avoidance issues. After you progress to fight, where you can´t stand it anymore and think it stupid, to be extreme. At the end, you fit. Acceptance and openness to living.

I think people sway on a pendulum through these stages quite a lot through any transition, but eventually they stay in the category of acceptance and fitting more often. My experience with Spanish and the Nicaraguan culture has been like that.

At first, I loved it all. I didn’t feel like anything was going badly. There were things to get accustomed to, but it was okay. Speaking Spanish a lot of the time was exciting for me. There are things that are really hard to talk about, or I feel mute sometimes. However, I haven’t been too embarrassed about asking people to repeat themselves. I feel comfortable enough with the language that I can have good conversations with people. I thank God for my host family. I was really nervous about it, but they are great. We are still getting accustomed to each other, but I think it will be a great friendship.

I have three sisters: Karen, with a 2 year old son; Marlen, a university student, and Juniette, still in high school. My papá works at a metal recycling place. He goes to work early in the morning, comes home at night, and goes to bed. I don’t know him very well yet. But we smile at each other happily. My mamá works at the national University in León as a facilitator to the dental students. She is very affectionate, and we’ve had a lot of [scary] conversations about some deep stuff, like immigration, racism, church issues, etc. It is hard to express myself on these issues in English, worse in Spanish.

I was in flight stage last Sunday in church. Everything was very different, and I felt very uncomfortable. The service wasn’t bad, but very different. The women all wore veils to cover their hair, everyone kneels to pray, they pray all together in audible voices, everyone leads a song, etc. I think I will grow to like it, but it was intimidating.

The fight stage hasn’t been very strong yet. I had a few feelings of rejection of Nica life, but they have passed. I need to remember to bring my feelings before God and ask him to guide me. You can pray for the Spirit´s guidance in my words and actions.

I have been feeling pretty good. They eat a ton of food at once here, and I have trouble eating it all. I´ve felt a bit nauseous in the morning, but nothing too unusual for me. My stomach usually reflects my stress level.

I really like my Spanish class right now. I have an individual study on Rubén Darío and his literature. I learned about the literary movement Modernism, and now I´m reading poems and short stories from Darío. Next week, professor Raúl and I will visit Darío´s house of culture and his tomb.

I have been learning a lot. Although I´ve only been in Nicaragua a little over a week, it feels like a long time. There are a lot of things to get used to, but God is good, and He is faithful. I´m so thankful that I serve a God who takes care of me wherever I am. He is a God of love. My mamá reminded me that God´s love is what I need to focus on while I´m here, not all the issues that overwhelm me. Hooray.