The Promise of a Lifetime

Today, my sweet little Julie was baptized. I definitely cried more than she did.

Edo and Mireille gave me the honor of carrying her into the sanctuary of Christus Triumfator, a Dutch Protestant church that Mireille goes to. I was supposed to walk very slowly because the center aisle is short. I think I did pretty well (thanks to my training as a flower girl at the age of 21, maybe? Angela, thanks for the opportunity to learn to walk in a dignified manner at your wedding!).

We sang some songs, the minister said some things, the parents responded. It was like a typical infant baptism that I've seen at my church many times except that in the Netherlands you also light a candle, and that's your baptism candle that you take with after the ceremony. But this baptism was anything but typical for me. I mean, I normally get a little emotional at baptisms (at any age) because to me they symbolize God's covenant. He promises that this person is his child, and he will not let go. The parents promise that they will raise the child to the best of their ability, and the church community promises to support them as well.

Seeing this happen with Julie was incredible for me. I felt awed and overwhelmed. I felt shame at my small expectations of God, forgetting that He is at work even when my heart doubts. I felt wonder at his love for Julie and all people. What a great God! What a great promise. His promise, one that will not go away. His words will not return empty.

I have loved and prayed for Julie's father, Edo, for as long as I can remember. And when Mireille became part of Edo's life, my heart included her with Edo. Then when news of Julie came, she was also added. I have prayed for this little one, loved her, hugged her. soothed her. She has been teaching me about living in contentment, learning how to trust that someone (Someone) will take care of me. To see this ceremony today was a part of an answer to my prayers and hopes and love.

I'm going to stop trying to describe it. It was, and is, incredible. Hallelujah.

I gave Julie a bottle before church, but we left the bib on as long as possible in case she decided not all of the milk would fit in her stomach...

Julie's dress was made out of extra material from Mireille's wedding dress - very cool

Edo and Mireille with Julie in the line for congratulations, with the minister behind

Julie looked so funny and cute in her dress tucked into the stroller

Mireille and Julie during some photos after everyone had left

Well, *that* was a whirlwind!

I finally feel like I have some room to breathe (unfortunately, breathing seems to be a bit more difficult as of today. I hope I'm not getting sick). It has been a busy month! I finished four classes with all of their projects and exams. Then I graduated. I'll explain the blur of events in pictures. That will probably be more interesting than all my prose anyway. :)

First we had an awards night at CanIL, the linguistics branch of the school. This is the group of graduates who are getting the same degree as me: Master's of Linguistics and Exegesis. Basically, language in general and Biblical interpretation. We had some seminary classes, but the majority was with the CanIL community in linguistics.

The following day, April 20, I participated in the official degree-granting ceremony with all of the graduates from ACTS, the seminary that authorizes my degree. I walked up with my hood over my arm (it's more like a sash that hangs down the back), received my diploma, then sat down to be "hooded" by two faculty members. It was pretty exciting to get the colorful sash. Hands down the best part of a master's degree, in my opinion. :)

 My parents and paternal grandparents came to Langley to celebrate and support me. We had a lovely few days together, and I was really glad that they came.

This dearie and I had to say goodbye to each other and we took a final picture with spring flowers to commemorate. We were always saying we didn't have enough pictures together. In the last six weeks of school, we remedied that problem. :) Danielle and I will see each other again, we're just not sure how or when.

 These wonderful people helped me pack up my room, get my stuff to all the appropriate locations, and bought me dinner - all on their last few days in BC. We took a picture in the front yard of the B&B where they stayed in Ft. Langley. Then I had to say goodbye to them, too.

I also said goodbye to the mountains as we drove through the final passes between BC and Alberta. Perhaps I'll miss them quite a lot, but it hasn't hit me yet.

In Alberta I first visited some aunts and uncles in Edmonton. They've been inviting me for a while, so I finally took them seriously. My first night there, we went to a junior league hockey game (one step down from NHL) and watched game 5 of a 7 game series between the Edmonton Oilkings and the Calgary Hitmen. Edmonton won - booya!

Then I spent a girls' day with my aunt. We visited, knitted, and re-potted tomato plants together. It was a fun day. :) She then took me south to meet up with my grandparents, and I spent a few days in Taber.

Before we went south, we stopped in the hospital and I got to hold my cousin's newborn baby! I stayed with her other two boys the night Ily was born. I think this is the youngest child I've ever held (32 hours old)

Besides hanging out with my grandparents and great-aunt and uncle in Taber, I also helped my uncle and aunt with their potato seeding. We had to sort potatoes so they were healthy and the proper side for the planter. It was great fun, the hours standing chatting with them while watching the potatoes go by on the conveyor belt.

Then I flew away across the big pond.

This was my face when I arrived in Amsterdam and saw Edo despite having a rough night on the plane. He bought me a coffee. :) Edo is like my older brother. He came to our family as an exchange student and we've kept close ever since. This summer I'm living with him, his wife, and their 4 month old daughter.

The view from my bedroom window in the Hague. It doesn't look so sunny and warm this week.

This is Julie, Edo and Mireille's daughter, whom I get to take care of until June when she'll go to daycare and I travel to France for a bit.

There's my life in pictures. More will follow but Julie is bored so we have to go play. :)

Homeless

Yes, homeless. For the time being. I'm traveling for the next three months. I graduated a week ago today, packed up my life in BC, said goodbyes, and headed to Alberta to visit family. I'm spending different nights at my aunt's and uncle's houses before flying across the big blue to the Netherlands for the summer. I'll be living in the Hague with my Dutch brother, his wife, and four-month-old daughter. I'll be the nanny for the month of May, stealing a weekend away to visit a friend from school in BC in Venice. Then I'll be in France for several weeks traveling around, visiting my adopted family from BC and probably going to Taize monastery before returning to the Netherlands for the month of July. That's as far as I have planned. I'll probably go other places, but I want to leave the schedule open.

I'm looking forward to some school-free time. Time to refresh, reconnect with God and who He wants me to be. I'm looking forward to being totally engrossed in an infant's life, giving up my own desires for those of another person. Maybe I'll be regretting those words soon, but right now, I have high hopes.

After the summer, you ask? No plans. I'm taking it one step at a time. I've got plans until the first weekend of August, and that's enough for me. I trust that God will make my path clear when I need to know. Yeah, I know it's not the way that most people expect life to be after earning a master's degree, but thus far, God hasn't asked me to do what everyone else does. I doubt He'll start any time soon. So I'm still learning the lessons he wants. Die to self. Find my home in him. Rest contentedly in his will. To suffer, which produces perseverance, perseverance character, and character hope (Ro 5:4). I can do no more.

Done with class!

Today was my last day of classes at CanIL, and for the foreseeable future. I didn't even realize it until my last class of the day was over. Then I got very excited and actually squealed it out for the whole class to hear.

Somehow the three exams and major paper standing in my way yet deter me from full celebration. But there are reasons for celebration regardless. In two weeks, I'll be gone from British Columbia, and I'll have no idea if/when I'll ever return. There's a lot to do in the next two weeks. It is my hope and prayer that I can focus on the good and be fully "present" for my last days here even though I'll be tempted to wallow in fear and sadness and questions. It's always hard for me to leave a place, to leave people, to leave what is familiar. Time marches on, though. All humans move, change. God give us the grace to move on with smiles on our faces and no regrets.

Accent Mutt

This morning in church I was pondering the spelling differences between Canadian and US English. And I was thinking about the way my mouth forms words like "God" and "sorrow" now. These language differences and the fact that I ponder them reflect that I am a linguist.

I am a linguist! In fact, I will be graduating with a master's of linguistics and exegesis in two weeks' time. And then I have no idea what I will do with this degree. I'm going to Europe for the summer, and I'm eager to spend some time with my Dutch brother Edo and his family as well as friends in Italy, France, and Germany. Lately I've been considering how I will have the opportunity to begin learning at least three different languages this summer, and I'm excited about that.

But it's also kind of disheartening. I have it in my head that graduation should bring some closure, new plans, and an opportunity to settle down somewhere. Instead, my life is looking more and more tumultuous. A trip to Europe, family reunions, and no long terms plans whatsoever.

All of this change is exciting in some ways, but it exacerbates my longing for a normal life. I want to settle down somewhere, get a job, and be a contributing member of society. However, a nagging niggle inside makes me doubt that "settled" will describe my life any time soon. I will always be an accent mutt; no matter where I go, people will think that I sound different. I'll have strains of Chicago, Canada, even Iowa in my English. Nicaraguan gestures continue to salt my interactions in North America. I am fairly certain I'll pick up some European - specifically Dutch - intonation and habits as well. Though these influences demonstrate the rich opportunities I've had in life, they also remind me that I'm not at "home" and probably never will be. In these times of change when sometimes I just want to hold onto the old ways and never let go, I have to continually open my hands and open my heart to the people and places before me. I have to remember again that I will never be truly home in the world, for the only place I find rest and "home" is in Jesus Christ, my Lord.

Rockin' the Milestones

The end of my education (I hope!) is coming very near. Less than a month to go until I graduate with a master's degree in linguistics and exegesis. Step by step, we're moving forward.

Who am I kidding? I'm rockin' the deadlines, yo. I own this stuff.

This past Friday I took comprehensive exams. It was slotted for three hours in the computer lab. Four essay questions (2 required plus 2 out of 4 for choice), approximately 2 pages each, with approximately a half hour per question. In order to graduate from the master's program, we have to either write a thesis or take two more classes plus comprehensive exams. I took the exams.  I had studied for the exam, but not too much. We had been told it was mostly reflection and synthesis of our education over the past two years and how it affected us. Our advising professor, the program chairman, had told us to think of the exam in terms of "thoughts you have in the shower." Like the reflections on our learning that go through our minds.

Well, I got to the exam and realized our advisor must have much more analytic thoughts than me! I spent the first twenty minutes panicking, but I eventually settled down and wrote about methods and objectives and application of linguistic and exegetical classes I'd taken. I got out of the exam nervous about the outcome. It's a pass/fail evaluation, but I was pretty unsure whether some of my answers were adequate.

Relief and exaltation came with an email at 10 pm on Friday congratulating me on passing the exams!

Now the only thing between me and an MA are four classes and three weeks. Today I gave a presentation. Yesterday I wrote up a reflective evaluation. Next week I'll turn in an annotated bibliography. There are final papers and exams as well as reading reports along the way. But assignment by assignment, deadline by deadline, I am progressing towards the finish line.

My good mood has been enhanced by the wonderful, warm, sunny weather we've been having. As I ride around on my bike, looking at the flowersl and enjoying the spring weather, I am exhilarated. So close to freedom!

Here's Hopin'

"...an anguished young Trappist monk spoke up: 'We've spoken of the loss of faith in American society. But what of loss of faith within the monastery itself?'He indicated that he was living, as a monk, with profound doubts, and that while the monastery was where he felt he belonged, at times his life there was nearly unbearable. Friar Lafont nodded; none of this, evidently, was a surprise to him. What he said in response struck me as both practical and thoroughly monastic: 'Of course we are weak, unable to cope. But if we can maintain faith, hope, and charity, it will radiate somehow. And people who come to us may find in us what we can no longer see in ourselves.'" (Kathleen Norris, The Cloister Walk, p. 363).

I identify with this young monk. I have believe in Jesus as long as I can remember, been a part of a Christian family, gone to Christian school. When I was old enough to choose my own path, I wanted to study theology and missions. I chose to study linguistics and exegesis so that I could learn an original language of the Bible. I  have been a part of faith communities and been expected to be a leader among other believers. But sometimes I have major doubts. I wonder if I can ever minister to anyone considering how bankrupt my own soul seems to me. I have nothing with which to minister to others.

But in that despair, I cling to the words of the wise friar. Hope, faith, and charity will somehow radiate from me, and others will see what I no longer glimpse in myself. Better yet, I believe that I do not have to be the one who works to hold onto this faith, hope, and love. Jesus is holding onto me. The Holy Spirit is working in me. Maybe it's the winter months when nothing much seems to be growing on the vine of my self, but soon will come the spring, bursting into life. Or maybe not. Regardless, I'm continuing to trust, fighting for hope.